Sacrifice
by Raythe
Summary: A new home for the Vulcan people has been found, but it is a planet owned by the Cerberus Corporation, a shadowy organization run by a man, Damascus Raine, whose advances James T. Kirk rejected when only a teen. Damascus will trade the planet for Kirk.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not make any money from these writing.

Title: Sacrifice

Author: Raythe

Pairing: Kirk/Spock

Fandom: Star Trek XI (2009 Movie) – Abrams Universe

Warnings: Slash, First Time, Romance, AU, WIP

Summary: Set soon after the end of 2009 Abrams' movie. A new home for the Vulcan people has been found, but it is a planet owned by the Cerberus Corporation, a shadowy organization run by a man, Damascus Raine, whose advances James T. Kirk rejected when only a teen. In order for the Vulcans to get their new planet, Kirk must give himself to Raine. Will Spock allow Kirk to make such a sacrifice?

POV: This chapter is done in Leonard McCoy's point of view, but that will change in the next chapters, switching between Spock and James T. Kirk.

CHAPTER ONE: NOTICING

Leonard "Bones" McCoy gave out a surprised hiss of breath when James T. Kirk exited the ocean with a surfboard tucked under his right arm. Bones' gasp was not brought on by the fact that the youngest Captain in Starfleet's history was striding towards him with his strong muscular body put on perfect display in his tight fitting wet suit or that Jim's piercing blue eyes and wide welcoming grin made him look even more handsome than usual. After all Bones did not swing that way, but even as a mostly heterosexual male he could appreciate Jim's beauty. No, what caused him to exhale so sharply was not how Jim _looked_ but at what Jim did _not_ _look_ _at_.

Two string-bikini clad women had walked right by the Captain, practically stepping on Jim's toes. Yet Jim's eyes did not follow them, his head did not turn to track their movements as they strode past, nor did he call after them, 'hello, ladies' which Bones had begun to think of as the Captain's catchphrase. Instead, Jim's gaze remained forward. The easy smile on his lips purely for his friends. It was as if the women did not exist.

"I don't believe it," Bones whispered under his breath.

"What do you not believe, Doctor?" Spock asked, delicately brushing sand off the palms of his hands, the only part of him other than his head that was not covered by clothing. For even though he and Bones had been watching their Captain surf most of the afternoon under the broiling Californian sun, the Vulcan was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt, black pants and knee-high black leather boots.

"I'm surprised you haven't developed heat stroke with all that black on. But you aren't even sweating," Bones groused good-naturedly, swiping at his own sweat-drenched hair.

"You must remember, Doctor, that Vulcan is … Vulcan _was_ … a desert planet. A mild day there was the warmest of your days here. I am actually quite comfortable dressed this way," Spock answered as he continued to remove any remaining particles of sand from his skin. "But you did not answer my question: what don't you believe?"

Bones suppressed a sigh at the Vulcan's attempt to remain neat and tidy despite their surroundings. "He didn't look at them."

"Who are you speaking of?" Spock asked.

This time Bones allowed the sigh to escape. "_Jim_ did not look at the scantily clad _women_." Then he muttered, "He must be sick. I should schedule a physical for him."

The Vulcan's only reaction was a slight rising of one delicate eyebrow. "Why would Jim look at them?"

"Why _would_ he? Why would _he_? Good God, man, are you blind, deaf and dumb?" Bones asked, his voice rising. "Jim notices and flirts with anyone that breathes. Especially when they … when they … well, when they have less than their full accompaniment of clothes on."

"Perhaps having the responsibility of Captain has sobered him, quelled other interests," Spock offered.

Bones snorted. "Now _that_ would be the day. I highly doubt the weight of responsibility is doing this to him. Work hard, play hard, has always been Jim's motto. No, there must be another reason. The only thing I can think of is that he must be really interested in someone," Bones stopped, his brow furrowing, "Yet honestly even when he's in a relationship he still _looks_. I wonder who it is that's completely captured his interest."

"What are you two talking about?" Jim asked as he stuck his board in the sand and sank down onto his towel beside them.

"Ah, nothing," Bones answered quickly. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah. This Iowa farm boy is doing pretty good at surfing, if he does say so himself," Jim said, his eyes sliding from Bones to Spock as though only the Vulcan's opinion mattered.

"Your performance has improved greatly since you first picked up the sport, Captain," Spock observed.

Bones felt his eyebrows rise as a slight blush heated Jim's cheekbones and he ducked his head at Spock's compliment.

"Jim, remember, Jim not Captain when we're not on duty," Jim corrected. "But thank you. I know I'm hardly a pro, but just being out there, facing nature's fury is …" A wild grin lighted his face. "Well, it's the closest to heaven I will ever probably get."

"You're not that much of a Hellraiser, Jim. I'm sure they'll open the pearly gates for you … especially if you flash them one of your smiles," Bones dryly observed.

Spock's gaze flipped from one man to the other as their teasing banter continued. Bones often wondered what the Vulcan thought of their easy camaraderie, if he felt more a part of the Enterprise's crew or more isolated by it. Spock rarely joined in, merely watched, catching every word. But Jim was intent that even if Spock did not choose to engage with them that he had the opportunity to do so. Bones had no idea why it meant so much to his friend that the pointy-eared finicky First Officer got that opportunity. But what Jim wanted, Jim usually got.

For a moment, Bones had a flash of insight into why Jim might want the Vulcan to be with them all the time, but his thought process was derailed when Jim spoke.

"You've only known me since I joined Star Fleet," Jim responded with a smirk.

"What, you managed to do something unforgivable in diapers?" Bones clucked in disbelief. He was always razing Jim about his age. Jim was 24, only the 17-year-old Pavel Chekov was younger than the Captain. These two made Bones feel ancient at 35.

Instead of a spirited reply, a shadow crossed over Jim's face, his smile dimming slightly, before he said, "You never know, Bones. You never know."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not make any money from these writing.

Title: Sacrifice

Author: Raythe

Fandom: Star Trek (2009) – Abrams Universe

Pairing: Kirk/Spock

Warnings: Slash, Romance, AU, WIP

Summary/Tips/Hints: I'm adding a few things to Vulcan culture in this piece, which you may notice, such as Spock's discomfort with others seeing Jim in only his swim trunks. It seems to fit with the intense private nature of Vulcans and adds a little possessive spice to the story.

POV: This chapter will also be in Bones' POV, because I enjoy his "voice" but also I like to show Spock and Kirk through another's eyes without filtering them through each others' eyes at this point in the story. But I want to assure those who are not fond of a third party "watching" our main characters that the POV will switch between Spock and Kirk later so we get into their heads and hearts.

A big thank you for all the reviews and interest that this piece has generated. I'm overwhelmed and awed and incredibly honored. Please continue to let me know your thoughts as they inspire me to write better … and faster!

Raythe

CHAPTER TWO: CONTROL'S BRITTLE EDGE

Bones and Spock followed Jim over to an outside shower located at the edge of the beach and just before the beginning of the parking lot, so that the younger man could wash off the sand and salt from his skin before they got into the car to go back to Star Fleet Academy in San Francisco. They were staying at the Academy while the U.S.S. Enterprise was being repaired after their run-in with the grief-crazed Romulan, Nero. The Academy was also where the negotiations were being held to obtain a new Vulcan home world from Cerberus Corporation, so lodging there had the added bonus of enabling Spock to monitor the negotiations more closely.

Jim stepped into the half-enclosed shower space, settling himself between the shower's two spigots, one by his feet and the other over his head. Bones smirked when the Vulcan fastidiously stood a few feet away so as not to get wet when Jim turned the shower on. The doctor was tempted to splash him with water to see if he puffed up like an angry cat. But knowing Spock, the Vulcan would either manage to twist out of the way of the spray or just raise an eyebrow at him. Both would diminish the prank.

"Need a little help here," Jim said with a laugh as he unsuccessfully tried to unzip his wetsuit's back zipper. The long neoprene tail that normally would have allowed the Captain to unzip himself had broken off. Even as Jim twisted and turned his torso to try and reach the snip of residual fabric, the zipper remained firmly out of his grasp.

With an humph of pretend irritation, Bones made a move to aid his Captain, but Spock was there before him. Bones hadn't even seen the other man move, but there he was at Jim's back. Bones watched with interest as Jim realized that it was Spock helping him and not the doctor. Perhaps it was the warmer-than-human fingers against the nape of Jim's neck or the spicy scent of the Vulcan's cologne that had first alerted the Captain to who was unzipping him. Whatever it was, the way that Jim went still and then subtly straightened showed his surprise. Spock rarely touched anyone, let alone the Captain. It was always up to Jim to initiate any contact between them, but this time Spock had seemingly leapt at the chance to do so.

For a moment, Bones wondered if Spock was falling for the legendary Kirk charm, but he shook that thought away. Spock was involved with the lovely Uhura. Besides, even if Spock was unattached, Jim was almost the opposite of what a Vulcan would want in a mate anyways. Jim was all emotion and instinct while the Vulcan held stone cold logic up as a sacred ideal. No, Spock could have no interest in Jim that way. Perhaps the Vulcan was just making an effort to be friendly.

"Doctor, please shield the Captain from view with a towel," Spock ordered crisply, his hand on the wetsuit's zipper, but making no move to unzip the other man.

"Its okay, Spock, I'm not naked underneath the wetsuit. I've got bathing trunks on," Jim said, over his shoulder.

"It would not be … _appropriate_ … for people to view you half-unclothed, Jim," Spock answered softly.

Jim's brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to respond, but then shut it as if thinking better of whatever he was going to say.

Spock's gaze did not move from Bones; his eyes demanded that the doctor get a towel no matter what the Captain said and that he was prepared to stand there motionless as long as it took until his request was complied with.

"I'm just wearing swim trunks and you aren't concerned about anyone viewing _me_ half-unclothed, Spock," Bones grumped, even as he bent down to grab one of the sandy towels out of their bags.

"_You_ are not my concern, Doctor," Spock said.

"Oh, really? And why is that? No, don't answer, let me guess. Hmmm, could it be because I'm merely the lowly Chief Medical Officer and he's the Captain? Well, I hate to break it to you, Spock, but nobody here knows who Jim is, let alone his rank, so your concern is unnecessary. And if you haven't noticed, _everyone_ here but _you_ is _half-unclothed_. That's _normal_ on a beach," Bones observed archly.

"While some of what you say is true, Doctor, there are several important distinctions between Jim and everyone else, including your esteemed self," Spock answered.

Bones saw the flash of surprise and interest on Jim's profile, but the younger man remained uncharacteristically quiet as Spock and Bones discussed him as if he were not there.

"And what are those _important_ distinctions?" Bones asked as he held the towel at his side, not bringing it up to shield Jim from view just yet. He wanted the Vulcan to answer him.

"Regardless of whether people know the Captain's rank, he _is_ the Captain, and, as such, deserves a certain level of respect and privacy," Spock explained.

"_Respect _and_ privacy? _Oh, you mean Jim should be shielded from the _leering_ that typically happens when he takes his shirt off," Bones responded with a quirked smile. "You do realize the Captain _likes_ the leering. He doesn't keep up that physique for nothing." Bones thought, but did not add out loud, _'So you do notice Jim's beauty or at least you notice other people seeing it. Interesting.'_

"It would hardly be for nothing, Doctor, even without the … _leering_ … as you call it. The Captain's physical attributes allow him to perform his job at a higher proficiency than he would otherwise be able to do," Spock said.

"C'mon, Jim, tell the poor misguided Vulcan the real reason you spend hours in the gym every day and it's _not_ because of your job, but because of the leering at you or more like the acceptance of _your_ _leering_ at someone else," Bones said.

"Don't bring me into this argument, Bones," Jim said, laughing.

"But it's about _you_!" Bones protested. "He's worried about your dignity when we all know you don't have any."

"Ouch!" Jim said, though he was still laughing and smiling so Bones knew he was not upset at the teasing.

"Well, it's true. I bunked with you for three years, I know all about you and clothes … or the lack thereof. Even Spock's girlfriend has seen you naked," Bones said.

"Not naked," Jim said, throwing a 'shut up' look over his shoulder at the doctor. "Seriously, Spock, I've _never_ been naked with Uhura."

"No, just with her roommate … while Uhura was in the room," Bones quipped. "You were hiding under the bed, I believe."

"I was not naked!" Jim said.

"Definitely without your shirt," Bones replied.

"I was told she was going to be somewhere else all evening and she came home unexpectedly. Seriously, Spock, it was not intentional," Jim quickly explained, all the while sending murderous looks at Bones, which just made the doctor chuckle.

"I am certain that you did not intend to be … unclothed in front of Nyota," Spock said, evenly, but Bones noticed that he held the zipper more tightly.

"Now that we've established that Jim has no dignity and has probably been naked with most of the people on this planet, what other reasons are there for me to hold this towel up?" Bones asked. When Spock merely looked at him coolly and didn't say anything more, the doctor added, "You said '_distinctions'_ with an 's' meaning there's more than one. What are the others?"

"That one alone should be enough to satisfy you. Whatever the past has been, the future may be different; therefore, we should endeavor to protect the Captain," Spock said smoothly and tipped his head towards the towel in Bones' hand.

"Protect him even from himself?" Bones said with a smirk at Jim. "Hmmm, that almost sounds logical yet I don't think that's the real reason." Bones knew he was pushing the issue, but he was always curious about Spock's limits so he said, "I'm not going to hold the towel up until you give me a real reason—"

"Bones," Jim interrupted softly, but firmly, "it doesn't matter. Just hold the towel up so we can get this done."

"You honestly want me to shield your body from the eyes of strangers with a towel?" Bones asked, not quite able to keep the disbelief out of his voice.

"If Spock doesn't feel comfortable with having me undress in front of strangers … that's fine. We can easily accommodate that," Jim said, his blue eyes boring into Bones, saying without words: Just do it.

'_Oh, Jim, you softie. That Vulcan has you wrapped around his finger_,' Bones thought.

Bones sighed. He was not altogether surprised that Jim was the one to shut his teasing down. Recently, the Captain had been very protective of Spock even though he had been the one in the past to push things with Spock beyond the breaking point. Perhaps nearly being killed on the Bridge after accusing the other man of not loving his mother or caring about his lost people had made Jim more circumspect. Not to mention that Bones knew that for all Jim's devil-may-care attitude he was actually quite soft-hearted. He probably felt guilty and was trying to make up for his earlier harshness with greater care now. In any case, it made needling the Vulcan in his presence a short-lived experience.

"I still think this is ridiculous. Bending over backwards for Vulcan sensibilities about your nakedness … on _Earth_ no less. He needs to get used to how things are done _here_ and your proclivity to be without apparel," Bones said as he held up the towel.

Bones heard rather than saw the zipper being pulled down on Jim's wetsuit and the shushing sound of neoprene being slid off skin. When he finally did look over, he saw that Jim was bending down to remove the suit from his legs, while the Vulcan stood nearby, watching him. Not just watching Jim as a whole. To Bones' shock, Spock's eyes were riveted on the graceful curve of Jim's spine and the generous swell of his muscular buttocks.

'_I've got to be wrong here. Spock is NOT checking Jim out. He's just … what? Fascinated with Jim's anatomy? Specifically his backside? Good god, man, even you don't believe that!'_ Bones argued with himself.

At that moment, Jim turned around and gave Spock what could almost be a shy smile of thanks, which was a far cry from the normal impish grins the younger man sent out, as he stepped out of the wetsuit. Spock's expression was smooth and blank once more as if he had not been admiring the other man's body just moments before. He nodded stiffly to acknowledge the Captain's appreciation, but there was no answering smile on his lips or in his eyes.

"Better stand back. I don't want you to get wet," Jim said as he reached for the shower's handle.

Spock took a few graceful steps back to avoid the spray. Did the man do anything less than gracefully? Spock then reached forward quickly and tugged the wetsuit out of Jim's way, folding and tucking it into a duffel bag. Bones gave out a huff of amused annoyance as he then lifted another towel to cover Jim from any prying stranger's eyes coming from the parking lot.

The spray ran down Jim's tanned, golden torso, pebbling his nipples and sliding beneath his black swim trunks. Bones darted a look over at the Vulcan. Spock was following the trails of water slipping down Jim's body with darkened eyes.

'_Oh, my god, the Vulcan looks like he wishes he was the water! Does Jim even notice this?'_

But Jim's eyes were closed, his head tipped back, allowing the lukewarm spray to run down his face. Spock's eyes had now fixed on the long column of Jim's throat. He appeared almost mesmerized by the path the water took and seemed to sway forward the tiniest bit.

Bones realized with a start that this was the first time that Spock had seen Jim like this: bare-chested, slippery wet, and with sensuality pouring off of him in waves. No longer the Captain in his Star Fleet regulated outfit, but a beautiful, sexual being within reach. The realization of this side of Jim seemed to have upset some of Spock's rigid self-control. That was the only explanation for his readable reactions.

Of course, it would be at that moment that someone approached. As in all things, timing, bad timing, is everything. Spock immediately tensed, his shoulder blades drawing tightly together, his head whipping around to see who was coming up from the beach. Bones felt a tingle of unease run through him. There was something dark and possessive in the Vulcan's eyes that made Bones really see the _alien_ in him. He wished he knew more about why the Vulcans kept such strict control of themselves, because Bones had a terrible feeling he was just about to find out what happened when that control snapped.

The doctor twisted his head to the side to see who was approaching. It was a surfer that Jim had chatted with briefly before paddling out to catch his first wave. The man had the sun-bleached hair and darkly tanned features of a person who spent the majority of his life outside under the sun and in the surf. He was heavily muscled and stood as tall as Spock with broad shoulders and a narrow waist.

'_A handsome, athletic forty-year-old. Completely Jim's type.' _

Bones knew that while Jim favored women his own age to date, he was more often drawn to older men for more intense relationships.

'_Probably the loss of his father has something to do with that. And the bastard stepfather he had,'_ Bones thought, but he was quickly distracted from Jim's sexual preferences by Spock again.

There was a hiss of breath from the Vulcan, which was the equivalent of a muttered curse by anyone else. Bones realized uneasily that Spock had been tense before when Jim and the man had been talking on the beach and he hadn't relaxed until the man was gone. And that was before Spock had realized Jim was a real live man so to speak. Bones felt a sick feeling settle into his stomach while adrenaline started to pump. Even as his mind was protesting that Vulcans weren't possessive like this and certainly this _particular_ Vulcan shouldn't be possessive like this, because Jim was involved and not Uhura, his body knew a storm was coming.

The surfer stuck his board in the sand beside them and gave Bones a quizzical smile. Bones felt his cheeks heat with embarrassment and he gave the man a tight smile in return. He knew he looked ridiculous holding a towel up. The sick feeling of apprehension wasn't helping his equanimity either. He wondered if he should warn the other man away.

"Got yourself a lady in there?" the man asked.

"Ah, no, not really. We're just ah … well, protecting our … ah Captain's dignity," Bones choked out as his eyes skittered from the surfer to the Vulcan.

Spock's expression seemed to become more stone-like and forbidding as the surfer's smile grew broader at Bones' explanation. Jim suddenly poked his head out between the towel Bones was holding up and the shower's side wall to see who it was.

"Oh, hey, Ryan, they were just giving me some privacy to change," Jim said lightly. "You need to use the shower?"

"Yeah, the salt is really drying me out," Ryan answered.

Bones began to lower the towel, but one black look from Spock had his arms shooting back up. Jim began to back out of the shower stall to allow the other man space to rinse off. But Spock wrapped a towel around Jim and forced the other man to stay in the shower's interior.

"Spock!" Jim squawked. "This towel's got sand on it! Which is now on me, thank you very much."

"You may shower again after he leaves," Spock said to the Captain, then addressed Ryan directly, "There is another shower exactly twenty-one feet east of here. I suggest that you use those facilities." Spock's voice took on a clipped edge, his nostrils were flared. Everything about his body language and words screamed that Ryan had best move on and move on quickly.

"Ah, c'mon, we're all men here. No need to be shy. We could shower together, Jim. What do you say?" Ryan asked, and the lilt of flirtation in his voice wasn't missed by anyone present.

Jim gave a half-laugh and ran a hand self-consciously through his hair. Bones groaned even as his stomach contracted at the edge of danger this man was unconsciously skirting. Bones tried to signal with his eyes for Jim to send this man on his way, but Jim just gave him a questioning look back.

'_Damn, he doesn't know what the Vulcan's been doing, how he's been reacting! This is bad,'_ Bones thought.

Spock did curse this time in Vulcan, and his posture became even straighter as he stepped in front of Jim to block Ryan's view. "Perhaps I must say this more plainly to be understood: you are not welcome here. Go elsewhere."

Jim gave out a gasp as he finally noticed Spock's aggression. Bones just closed his eyes and shook his head. He hoped that Ryan knew how much stronger Vulcans were than humans even on a human's best day. Otherwise things was going to get ugly.

Ryan's eyes narrowed and he cocked his head to the side as he scrutinized Spock and Jim together. "Ah, I see. I'm sorry, I misread your situation. I thought you were unattached."

"Unattached? What? I am!" Jim sputtered.

"Regardless of the Captain's state of attachment, you _did_ misread the situation," Spock stated.

Jim's mouth snapped shut. Bones could not read his Captain's expression. Was it shocked amazement, annoyance, anger? Jim looked as blank as his First Officer did when he was at his most Vulcan inscrutable.

"I think I do understand now. I'll see you later, Jim," Ryan said as he picked up his surfboard and walked past.

No one moved for a long moment after he was gone. Finally, Spock turned to face Jim, though he would not actually look at the other man's face. He began tugging the sandy towel from Jim's shoulders.

"What was that about, Spock?" Jim asked quietly, as he fended off Spock's attempts to take the towel. There was no anger in Jim's voice, just a hint of concern and frustration.

Spock just as softly answered, "I don't know what you are speaking of—"

"Don't!" Jim interrupted fiercely then he moderated his tone, "Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. If your memory is really that bad, you'll be heading for Sick Bay post haste. But I know you remember. So why did you react that way with Ryan?" When Spock's eyes remained downcast and his lips sealed together in a tight, white line, Jim said, "Don't make me order you to answer me, Spock."

Spock's jaw worked convulsively before he finally seemed able to speak. He spit the words out more than spoke them. "He was disrespectful to you."

"Because he flirted with me and had a bad pickup line?" Jim asked. "If that's disrespectful, this whole planet's population is in trouble, because we all do that."

Spock's eyes were fixed on the ground like it had all the answers. "He had no right to speak to you in such an informal manner. Insinuate that you should be with him sexually. You gave him no encouragement. But he did these things in any event."

Jim let out a sigh. He put a finger under Spock's chin, forcing the other man to look him in the eye.

Jim spoke slowly and softly as if talking to a skittish animal, "I know that you are not as experienced in real world human social behavior as … as the rest of us. I know you were trying to help. So I want you to know that I'm not angry. But … Spock, what you did was not okay."

Spock swallowed then said, "I … I can see that, Captain."

"Although you don't know why?" Jim guessed.

"I have … read … of proper Earth courting behavior, but it was … _different_ … to experience it firsthand," Spock answered. "I … I behaved in a Vulcan way when I should have understood that … that different standards were to be applied."

Bones winced, because what Spock wasn't saying was _why_ he had reacted in a Vulcan way to Ryan's come on: possessiveness and jealousy. As unbelievable as Bones would have thought that to be before this day, he was certain that those emotions were exactly what Spock had felt for Jim and caused him to begin a pissing contest with Ryan. What surprised Bones was that as intuitive as Jim was about Spock, the younger man clearly did not understand that more was going on here other than just poor inter-species communications.

'_Does he think Spock would react this way if anyone else were hit on? He's been dating Uhura for some time. Does he really believe that Spock doesn't know human flirting when he sees it and what is and is not appropriate? Of course, he does. He was jealous! C'mon, Jim, think about it!'_ Bones thought, but did not say out loud. He would have to speak to the Captain privately about this later.

The Vulcan's hands were suddenly behind his back, his spine ramrod straight, as he said, "I overreacted and sincerely apologize for my behavior. Whatever punishment you deem appropriate I will submit to."

Jim shook his head with a weary smile on his face. "No punishment, Spock. This is a conversation between friends. And like I said, I'm not mad and I do understand that …things are different here than you're altogether used to. Just know that in the future, I can fight my own battles against the poor pick-up line, okay?"

There was a slight quiver in the Vulcan's frame as he asked, "Would … would you wish me to apologize to … Ryan and inform him that I was out of line?"

Jim gave one of his brilliant smiles. "Nah, don't worry about it. I have no interest in … _showering_ … or doing anything else with Ryan."

There was a slight loosening in the Vulcan's entire frame.

'_Relief that Jim doesn't want him. And Jim doesn't even notice it. Maybe I should check the man's eyesight,'_ Bones thought.

Jim lightly patted the Vulcan on the shoulder before slipping the towel off and stepping under the shower again. The Captain was acting as if everything was forgiven and forgotten. But Bones could see Spock was still struggling with what had happened. The Vulcan picked up the discarded towel and still used it to hide Jim from view. Bones' arms were aching, because he still hadn't put his down.

Finally, Jim was clean. He slipped on his flip flops and then threw on a ragged white t-shirt. Ironically, the shirt might as well not have been there considering the amount of cover it actually gave. The cotton was thin and holey from being worn and washed too many times and Jim's golden skin glowed through the fabric. If the Ryan incident had not occurred, Spock probably would have requested Jim wrap himself in one of the towels for modesty's sake. The doctor was certain that Jim's accommodation of the Vulcan's delicate sensibilities would not have extended to a damp, sandy towel against his skin all the way back to the Academy. But Bones' amusement died again when he saw that Spock looked pale and his mouth was thinned into a white line of self-disgust. Bones knew he had to talk to the Captain as soon as possible about this.

"Everybody ready to go?" Jim asked as he picked up one of the duffle bags.

"We were just waiting for you, Cinderella. Your coach awaits," Bones quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

Spock checked his chronometer and frowned. "We have less time than I realized. We must hurry back so that we can get ready for the dinner with Cerberus Corporation's Chief Executive Officer this evening."

"Lord Damascus Raines?" Bones asked.

The Vulcan nodded. "Yes, he will be the one to make the final decision regarding my people's purchase of the rim world, Neos, for their new home."

"Sounds like a grand time," Bones responded with a mew of distaste. He hated these formal dinners.

"I, ah, won't be there tonight," Jim said suddenly.

Vulcan quickly turned to him as did Bones.

"Why, Jim? You're the hero of the hour. You and Spock. I'm sure your presence will aid in the PR value for Cerberus to sell the planet to the Vulcans. May even bring the price down," Bones said.

"The Doctor is correct, Jim," Spock said decisively then added with more tentativeness, "Your presence would be invaluable. If your decision not to attend has anything to do with my behavior today—"

"No, no. It's got nothing to do with today," Jim answered quickly with a warm smile at the Vulcan. "Really, Spock, forgiven and forgotten. Don't worry about that a second longer."

"Then why, Captain? Please, the purchase of this world is … _crucial_ … to my people," Spock said, slight lines of tension appearing around his eyes.

"Not to mention Star Fleet will have your head for not being there," Bones piped in.

Jim put his arm on Spock's shoulder again, squeezing it slightly. His expression and voice earnest as he said, "I assure you that I would be there if I thought my presence could help in any way or even if it was a neutral factor. But actually … it could hurt. A lot." Jim's warm smile for Spock seemed to twist into itself as the Captain continued. "Lord Raines and I … we've had a run-in before. And it didn't end well."

"He doesn't like you, I take it?" Bones guessed.

Jim responded with a bitter laugh that sent a shiver done Bones' spine. "If only that were the problem. Or at least _had_ been the problem."

"Captain … what happened between you and Lord Raines?" Spock asked.

Jim stood there for a long moment, emotions flickering across his face so fast that Bones could only catch the last, which was despair. A bone deep despair.

"He wanted … all of me," Jim said, simply.

"And?" Bones asked, even though he already guessed the answer.

Again that sickly smile twisted its way across Jim's face as he said, "And I said no."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not make any money from these writing.

Title: Sacrifice

Author: Raythe

Pairing: Kirk/Spock

Fandom: Star Trek XI (2009 Movie) – Abrams Universe

Warnings: Slash, First Time, Romance, Angst, AU, WIP

Summary/Hints/Tips: This chapter is heavier in the angst department than the earlier ones. Things will get lighter (and at times darker) as the story progresses.

POV: This chapter is done in Spock's point of view. This was incredibly difficult POV to do and I almost despaired of pulling it off. But I'll let you be the judge of how well (or badly) I did it. I'm finding my way with these characters and I hope you enjoy the ride with me.

Again thank you for all the responses. They make all the agonizing worth it.

Raythe

CHAPTER THREE: BAD THINGS

Spock's POV

"_He wanted … all of me. And I said no."_

Jim's pronouncement about Lord Raines felt like a knife in Spock's gut, which was a completely illogical reaction to have. The words could not physically harm him, but he felt physical pain from hearing them nonetheless. He had read of humans having physical reactions to emotional pain, but he had never experienced it himself and had never expected to. Not even his mother's death and his people's near extinction had caused a reaction like this; in fact, his grief for their loss had made his body feel numb and insubstantial.

Yet what he felt for Jim was the opposite of numbness. Every feeling was sharp and edged and hot. For instance, the _look_ on the Captain's face, despair and shame as he spoke of Lord Raines, only caused Spock's pain to grow greater. He almost glanced down at his chest to see if there was in fact a physical reason for the stabbing sensation, but he knew his black shirt would be pristine, no dagger hilt would be sticking out of his stomach.

At least this physical pain at Jim's words somewhat blotted out his increasing shock and disgust at his own recent actions: lusting after and coveting his Captain's body, not to mention, his possessiveness and jealousy causing him to threaten that older human, Ryan. In fact, he had nearly come to blows with the surfer when the man had propositioned Jim. Only the man's hasty retreat had stopped that from happening. It could have gone a much different way. Spock shut his eyes for a moment, absorbing how near a call that actually had been.

His only hope was that Jim did not know why he had lost control of himself. The Captain seemed to believe that Spock merely had misunderstood human mating protocols. But that had not been the case at all.

Spock had shoved aside human mating protocols as too permissive, too dishonorable for how Jim should be treated. So odd for him to have gone from being dismissive of the cadet Jim had been to being in awe of the Captain he had become almost overnight. And now these totally inappropriate personal feelings were arising for the man. And all of this was complicated by the fact that instead of the bright, cheery presence of the Captain, Jim was now all edges and shadows and pain.

'_And these things are in Jim, because of the man who has my people's future in his hands: Lord Damascus Raines. How can I even think of taking anything from the person who hurt Jim so? I know that it is not logical to choose the welfare of the one over the many, yet … with Jim … logic seems to fall to the wayside for me,'_ Spock thought and imagined he felt the knife in his gut twist.

"C'mon, you two, we'd better get to the car. You need time to get all gussied up for this dinner," Jim said, his voice laced with forced cheeriness, but still the sound of it was enough to snap through Spock's internal reverie.

The Captain then turned on his heel and was striding rapidly towards the parking lot as if to close off any more conversation about Lord Raines. Jim's departure was so abrupt that Spock and McCoy had to grab their bags and practically run after their Captain.

"Oh, no, you don't, Jim," McCoy huffed as he pulled up alongside the other man. "There's no way in hell you're making a statement like _that_ and walking away without telling us what in the dickens you mean."

"Sometimes, you're going to have to face the trauma of not knowing, Bones. Even when the desire to know makes you say the word 'dickens' in a sentence," Jim said lightly, but his accompanying smile did not reach his eyes.

The Captain popped the cherry-red convertible's trunk and began to stow the gear as McCoy looked on, scowling, undoubtedly plotting another vocal attack to get the Captain to open up. Spock did not often join in on their verbal repartee, but this time he wished he could speak as easily to Jim as the Doctor did. He longed to be able to say just the right thing to the Captain to banish that haunted look. But his emotions were still so jumbled that he dared not even talk as he normally would, guarded and slowly, for fear of what might come out.

Jim suddenly took the bag Spock was carrying, preparing to stow it with the rest of the gear. Their fingers touched. Spock felt his ability to speak leave him altogether. It was like an electric current went through them both. Jim's blue eyes locked with Spock's brown ones when it happened. The Captain's pupils expanded so that there was only the thinnest ring of blue along the very outside of the pupil.

Spock thought he heard the other man's voice in his mind,_ 'Spock … is that you?'_

Then Jim's hand was gone and the sense of his mind was snuffed out as if it had never been. Grief for the loss of contact was like another blade against Spock's skin.

Both men staggered slightly. Jim leant on the convertible's bumper for a moment and shook his head as if to clear it. He gave Spock a questioning look and opened his mouth to speak, but then his eyes slanted over to McCoy and whatever he was about to say, he thought better of it, but Spock knew the Captain would want to talk about this at some point.

'_But what would I tell him? That we experience a mind meld from the briefest of touches? That it is unheard of? Yet it happened,_' Spock though and the urgent desire to know that contact filled him. _'If I were to touch him again … if our touch was not brief, but sustained … if I allowed my hands to run up Jim's bare forearms, then slip them beneath the loose, worn cotton of the t-shirt's sleeves—'_

"You can put your hand down, Spock. He already took the bag," McCoy groused. "Or is hand-raising another bit of Vulcan foolishness like protecting Jim's dignity earlier?"

Spock stared at the hand he still held out towards Jim. It did not seem a part of him, or rather it was too much a part of him, doing what his deepest self desired while his logical mind rejected those actions. He snatched his hand back to his side, curling it into a slight fist to keep it from reaching out on its own once again.

"Bones," Jim chastised gently, looking still slightly dazed even as he crisply packed their belongings. "Give your acerbic wit a rest. I know you're upset with me right now. Don't take it out on Spock."

McCoy huffed and his mouth puckered up, but he said grudgingly, "Sorry, Spock. I guess I am a little peeved here with our Captain and my mouth ran away with me."

Spock nodded his acceptance of the Doctor's apology even as he raked himself over the coals for behaving strangely yet again. _'I must reestablish control over myself. Even if one brush of the fingers from Jim is more intense than sexual intercourse with Nyota … I must not allow myself to surrender to my more primitive instincts.'_

And what of Nyota? His conscience chided him. Should not thoughts of her stop his reactions to Jim? He knew that she was not his bondmate, but still did he not owe her some loyalty?

His one attempt at melding with her had been unpleasant for both of them. She had panicked, feeling his mind-touch too … _alien_ … and had actually fled the room as though to escape an attack_._ As for him, the sensation of entering her mind had been like diving into a pool of thick, viscous syrup. There was none of the effervescent lightness of a true joining. More like a sensation of drowning in cloying stickiness.

He had known then that their relationship would have to end, but he had not taken steps to do so. At the time, he told himself that he had held back because he knew it would devastate her. He had wished to avoid hurting her. Only now he realized that by waiting, he had probably made things worse. He could only imagine her reaction to knowing he wished to part from her to pursue Jim.

'_But I did not know before that I could feel this way for the Captain!'_ Spock protested internally, but his conscience prodded him,_ 'But should I have? Was there no hint of the reactions he could cause in me?'_

A flash of memory of Jim's face reddening as Spock's hands tightened around his neck. Then later, a gentler experience: after Nero's death, the Captain's eyes seeking him out on the bridge, desiring to connect with him, the slightest nod of Spock's head in response, culminating in a rush of acceptance between them that had nearly knocked the Vulcan back on his heels. Yes, there had been warning that Jim could elicit passionate emotion responses from him. Only he had not understood then that they could lead to something other than enmity or friendship but to … _more_.

But still his desire for Jim should not be unhinging him like this. It was not his time; Pon Farr was still years away, yet his feelings were hitting nearly those highs. He must speak to someone about this; his older self made the most logical sense. After all, Spock Prime (as he had come to think of the older version of him) had lived for a long time in this body.

If the exaggerated reaction he was having to the Captain was caused by some aspect of his human/Vulcan genes that was just now coming to the fore the older Vulcan would know. If it was a hidden weakness that was now being exposed, Spock Prime would have already faced it. He determined to seek the older Vulcan out after the dinner. A dinner Jim Kirk would not be at. A rush of disappointment flooded him that he would not see Jim's dashing figure, and luminous smile, at the mostly somber Vulcan dinner.

Despite Spock's inner turmoil, none of it showed on his face or posture. He appeared as serene as always, except for his downcast eyes. It was Jim's movements that drew him out of his tumultuous thoughts yet again.

Jim turned to face him and McCoy, the gear all stowed, the trunk shut. The brilliant red of the car accentuated Jim's blondness. Then he smiled at Spock, one of those easy, loose smiles that seemed to be only for the Vulcan. Spock felt warmth explode within his chest. The Captain looked like bottled sunlight. Brightness given form.

"Let's blow this pop stand," Jim said.

Although Spock didn't understand the phrase, he knew the Captain meant for them to leave so he walked around to the passenger side of the convertible. Jim slid into the driver's seat, McCoy slithered into the back, leaving the front passenger seat open for Spock. When had it become the accepted practice that his place was always beside Jim? Spock did not know, but he felt his stomach flutter at the thought of being so close to the Captain right now. Approximately eight inches would separate them once he sat down in the car. Less than that when Jim would put his hand on the gearbox to shift. This 28.3-mile drive would be an intolerable, pleasurable anguish. For once he was grateful for the Captain's penchant for driving dangerously fast.

Spock slipped into the car. He shut the door, but surreptitiously pressed up close to it so that he was as far away from Jim as possible. Spock closed his eyes and concentrated on regulating his breathing. His heart rate slowed and the rush of his blood through his veins became more stable. The errant heat that had coursed along his skin became less. And his thoughts and emotions seemed to still.

It was not true calmness, he would need a day's meditation for that, but the immediate danger of him … _reaching, touching, wanting, making mine _… doing something inexplicable had passed somewhat.

His awareness of what was going on around him slowly came back once he had centered himself. The other two men were talking of that evening still, apparently totally unaware of his internal struggles. The irony that he had managed to cover up his lack of control so well from the two men who would have been most affected by it thrilled and sickened him. After all, humans were so much weaker than Vulcans. And that greater strength would have been only one of his advantages over them.

He could have pinched the nerves on each of their necks, rendering both of them unconscious, then he could have loaded the Captain into the car and taken him to the nearest star port and then … Spock yanked his mind off that path. It would not be prudent to think of this further. It might in fact inflame him again. He forced himself to listen and be apart of the ongoing conversation.

"Jim, you do know that there's no way that Star Fleet is going to let you just miss this dinner unless you're on your deathbed! A pathetic sounding phone call saying you've got a sore throat or something will simply _not_ do it," Bones said as he pulled on a festive Hawaiian shirt. With the convertible's top down and Jim's fearless driving, it would be too cold to be only in swim trunks.

"I'm quite aware of that, Bones. And that's why I'm so grateful to have the Enterprise's Chief Medical Officer as both my friend and my backup to avoid tonight's dinner," Jim said and gave the doctor one of his impish grins.

"Oh, no, no way!" McCoy yelled.

Jim ignored his protest, still grinning, as he slipped on sunglasses: black lenses with gold frames. The lenses were so dark that his eyes could not be seen behind them at all. Jim then shifted the convertible into reverse, pulled out of the parking lot and accelerated onto the winding ocean highway that would take them back to the Academy.

"C'mon, Bones," Jim laughed as the speedometer rose ten miles above the speed limit. "I'd even submit to you poking me with your needles. You could give me that Borian Rat Virus Vaccine again. The one that made my tongue turn purple. C'mon, what do you say?"

"Even if I was inclined to help you … and I'm _not_ saying I am … but mind you, if I _was_ … no one would believe me anyways. This is too important an event for playing sick. You'd be dragged to the dinner by Admiral Pike himself, purple tongue and all," McCoy said and slumped back in his seat.

"I believe the Doctor is correct, Jim. It is unlikely for Dr. McCoy's word to be trusted. You and he are well known to be … _compatriots_ … in all sorts of questionable activities. Such as when he smuggled you onboard the Enterprise illegally," Spock commented, pleased by how normal he sounded.

"But that illegal activity ended up being a good thing, Spock," Jim pointed out with a soft smile.

"Indeed, but nevertheless the Doctor's reputation for veracity when it comes to you and strange maladies is not well-regarded," Spock responded.

"Finally, the Vulcan speaks! You were so quiet there, Spock, that I thought maybe the cat had gotten your tongue," McCoy commented, leaning forward so that his head and shoulders were between the two front seats.

"I do not believe there are any felines in this car, Doctor," Spock observed. "Let alone anywhere near my mouth."

"Don't you love when he feigns ignorance of colloquialisms? It's not charming, Spock. It's actually quite annoying," McCoy snarked good-naturedly. "So why were you silent as a tomb then? I was worried you were still obsessing about Jim's lack of apparel," McCoy added archly, reaching forward and pulling at one of the larger holes in Jim's t-shirt.

"Hey! Don't pull it, it'll rip more," Jim protested. "It's my favorite shirt!"

"This isn't a shirt, Jim, it's a rag," Bones said, but removed his hand anyways.

Spock's eyes were drawn to that opening where a hint of Jim's golden skin peaked through. There was a momentary tremor in his restored defenses both at the sight of that soft flesh and also at McCoy's unwarranted touching of it. His hands fisted on his lap, but the shocking lack of control from before did not return.

"I was silent before," Spock, partially lied, "because …while I would normally disagree with you in asking the Captain to reveal private information, I find I am on your side this time, Doctor. I believe we need to know all we can about Lord Raines."

Jim stiffened in his seat. Spock sensed his Captain's dismay and shock at Spock's determination to speak of Raines when he clearly wanted the subject dropped.

"Thanks for the support, Spock, you're making me sound like the ship gossip," McCoy said, sarcasm seeping into his drawl.

Ignoring, McCoy's interruption, Spock continued, trying to put some of his concern into words, "My people are involved in a business transaction with Lord Raines and may have a longer relationship with him if they decide to allow Cerberus to mine on Neos. If he is … morally reprehensible in some way … we must know _now_ in order to protect ourselves. The fact that you are unwilling to even be at a dinner with him leads me to deduce that there is indeed _something_ my people must protect themselves from in Lord Raines."

Spock disliked opening what was clearly a raw wound for Jim, but he could not in good conscience have his people enter into a relationship with Raines … _'if he hurt my Jim' _… a soft voice inside him whispered. Spock swallowed and mentally batted the thought away. No, he only wanted to understand as much of Raines' character as possible. It was only prudent to know all one could about the other side in a business deal. It had nothing to do with wanting to be loyal to Jim above all else.

"Yeah, Jim, maybe hearing it now from the Vulcan instead of me will get through that thick skull of yours," McCoy said, "You're the type normally that charges in where angels fear to tread, no matter the cost. Yet here you are asking us to help hide you from Raines like you're afraid of him. You're even avoiding a dinner where there's bound to be tons of beautiful men and women hanging on your every word about Nero and your heroic exploits. I never thought you'd turn down a chance to do that."

Spock frowned slightly at the mention of possible partners for Jim at dinner. He did not want to contemplate Jim's proclivity to pick up people wherever he went. Although, as McCoy had pointed out at the beach, Jim had not seemed interested in anyone there. Not even Ryan, who had clearly hoped to make such a connection. The Vulcan's eyebrows rose in contemplation of why that might be.

"I'm not afraid of Lord Raines, Bones," Jim said softly, but Spock noted that his knuckles were white on the steering wheel. "I'm afraid of what _I_ might do if _I see him_. And I'm afraid of what might happen to the Vulcans' chance to get a new world if _he sees me_."

"I was under the impression from what you said earlier that … well, whatever had happened between you and Lord Raines that you had put an end to it. Yet you're acting as if you're angrier at him than he is at you," McCoy pointed out.

The steering wheel creaked from the increased pressure of Jim's grip as he answered, "Raines believes I betrayed him. And he made me pay … a heavy price … for that betrayal. A price he threatened to increase if I ever tried to avenge …," Jim's voice faded off and the Captain shook his head almost as if to violently clear it.

"My God, man, the way you talk about him, it makes me think that we should be packing phasers tonight!" McCoy said, half-jokingly, but Jim was not in any place for amusement.

"If taking a phaser to Raines was the answer I would be the one doing it. I would _already_ have done it. I have more than enough reason to," Jim said the last with a vicious yank of the wheel as they took a nearly hair-point turn on the road too fast.

McCoy gave a strangled yelp from the back seat and even Spock found himself clutching the door to stop from sliding across the front seat into the Captain's lap.

"Jesus, Jim! Give a fella a little warning before you do that again," McCoy protested. After buckling himself tightly into the back seat, he said, "So before you sent us practically shooting out of the car, you mentioned having a reason to kill Lord Raines. Are you really not going to tell us why? Or do you intend to drive us crazy with half-hints?"

"I'm not trying to drive you crazy, Bones, just … just it's not easy to talk about," Jim said as he downshifted.

"Jim, my observations of your character has led me to believe that you often act without thinking," Spock began and McCoy gave out a bark of laughter at that comment. Spock frowned then continued, "You do this especially when confronted with emotional situations. Clearly there have been emotional situations between you and Lord Raines in the past, enough for you to suggest you want his death. Yet also clearly you have made a decision not to act against him in any way. Why?"

"Do you mean, why am I not acting _now_ or why didn't I act _before_?" Jim asked.

"Both, Captain," Spock said.

"You should know the answer to why I won't act against him now, Spock. The Vulcans need Neos," Jim said, sidestepping why he had not in the past. "Killing the CEO of the company that holds the rights to that planet wouldn't exactly push that process forward."

"But there must be lots of planets in the universe that the Vulcans could settle on, aren't there?" McCoy asked, but Jim was already shaking his head before he was half-way through with his question.

"Do you know how many uninhabited planets are fit for Vulcan physiology and are available for colonization in Federation space?" Jim challenged the Doctor.

"I'm guessing you're going to tell me," McCoy responded tartly.

"_One_. Neos. That's it," Jim said. "Neos is practically a twin planet to Vulcan. And it's deep enough in Federation space that it can be easily protected while the Vulcans rebuild their population. Otherwise … with only 10,000 left … the Romulans or Klingons could wipe them out. Spock could be the last of his kind if that happened and that's … just not acceptable. This deal with Raines has to happen. No matter what Raines has done … _no_ _matter_ _what_. It's that simple."

Spock felt an unexpected rush of pleasure at Jim's words. Not that it was terribly surprising that Jim would put the greater good above his own, the Captain was always doing that, but Spock sensed that Jim was moved to act not just for Vulcans as a whole, but … _'because of me. He is most concerned about this matter because of me … yet he is in agony over his decision and I would never have him feel such pain. Especially not on my account.'_

"But Jim that still doesn't explain why _you_ can't be there at the dinner tonight. I mean you're the plan's best salesmen. You've convinced _me_ that Neos must be given to the Vulcans, add in one of your famous smiles at this Raines' character and, no matter what happened in the past between you, I'm guessing the deal would be done!" McCoy offered.

"It's not that simple," Jim gritted out and his broad shoulders hunched up. "Even if I could stop myself from going after Raines, which is a big _if_, it wouldn't help in the end. If Raines sees me … he'll _know_ how much I want this deal to go through … and that might be enough for him to break off all negotiations about it."

"You're kidding? He'd really _do_ that? Then Spock's _right_ that he needs to know what kind of guy this Lord Raines is, if he'd destroy a deal over … what exactly, I don't even know, but whatever it is, its not a good enough reason to screw the Vulcans out of the only planet that will keep them from going extinct!" McCoy said.

Spock took in Jim's hunched shoulders and clenched jaw. Again he experienced that now-familiar ache in his chest at Jim's emotional state. But his logical mind told him to look at Jim's pain analytically. Raines must have done something terrible for Jim to hate and … _'and fear him so._'

"My objections to … avoiding Raines won't make sense if I don't tell you everything, but … but it'll just make it worse if I do," Jim said, his voice shaking slightly.

"You cannot know that until you tell us," Spock pointed out softly.

"Besides my imagination is working overtime, and if Spock had an imagination his would be, too," McCoy said. "The reality of what Raines did couldn't be worse than what I'm thinking up."

"You'd be surprised, Bones. I just don't know if giving you the details would help anything. Like I said, the Vulcans _have_ to have this planet. You _know_ it, Spock. So why should you have to take on the burden of what I know when even if Raines were the Devil himself … the deal has to happen."

Spock realized then that Jim was trying to convince himself of this position as much as them. That he was clinging to this idea and only Spock could release him from it. _'He convinces himself of this for me. So I must free him of the responsibility for it.'_

"That is not quite true, Jim," Spock said. "While it would be ideal for the Vulcans to have a home world of their own, we are a small enough population now that Earth or another Federation planet could sustain us for many generations with little difficulty."

"But Neos is—"

"An _ideal_, Jim. Not the _only_ path my people can take. However, it is not a path I would take, nor recommend that my people take if …" Spock broke off, shifted slightly in his seat, knowing that McCoy would hear this, but determined to go on. "If Lord Raines has acted wrongfully towards you."

Jim let out a gust of air. "You can't mean that, Spock! I'm _one_ person. This is about the survival of your whole species and culture."

"Yes, it is. But do not … _deals with the Devil_ … always end up badly for all involved?" Spock asked.

Jim was quiet for a moment, absorbing what Spock said, then he gave a hoarse chuckle as he responded, "That's what they say."

"Then please tell us what your history is with Raines, what his character is, so that we might come to our own conclusions as to whether a deal with Lord Raines would be worth it," Spock said.

"All right. I … I guess I see your point. Here goes," Jim then squared his shoulders, his eyes remaining steadily on the road in front of them as he began to speak. "I met Damascus when I was sixteen. My high grades had earned me the notice of Cerberus Corporation's Scholarship for Excellence."

Spock frowned. "I do not recall reading of any such scholarship in your file, Jim."

McCoy gave a quick bark of laughter. "From the man who claims to abhor poking into Jim's _private_ life, you sure didn't have any issues with reading his _private_ file."

"I did not read the file out of any prurient interest, Doctor. I did so, because I had to ascertain how the Captain defeated the Kobayashi Maru test. I needed to know whether his skills were sufficient to develop and plant that subroutine by himself or if he had aid and a second person needed to be brought up for review," Spock explained.

"You say potato and I say potato," McCoy said, altering the pronunciation of the common word, although Spock did not understand the meaning behind the difference.

Spock half turned in his seat to see Jim's profile. Again, he had the sense of his chest tightening when he looked at the Captain. _'Will I ever again be insensible to his beauty? Or inured to it enough that I do not wish to … to touch him?'_

"If my looking in your file has in any way offended you, Jim, I apologize for it. At the time, it appeared the appropriate course to take," Spock offered.

Jim waived it off. A genuinely amused smile lighting his face for a moment. "I understand why you did it. Really, I don't mind."

McCoy snorted, saying 'of course, you don't' and 'damned lucky, Vulcan' under his breath. When Spock glanced back at the Doctor, the other man gave him a falsely innocent look as if he had not said anything, let alone those inscrutable comments.

"_Anyways_, the reason the scholarship is not in my file is because I chose not to accept it," Jim said. "As part of the determination of who would receive the scholarship, each applicant met with Raines personally. He and I …" Jim swallowed, "We hit it off, I guess you could say. He was charming … more than charming, really. I found him amazing. Intensely intelligent, a magnetic personality and … very attractive. When he turned his attention on you, it made you feel like you were … the most fascinating and important person in the universe."

McCoy commented. "It would be a pretty heady thing for anybody to be the center of that kind of attention, let alone if they were an impressionable sixteen-year-old boy."

"Yes," Jim agreed. "Only thing is that there's a cost to that kind of attention. You want it to continue so much … _I_ wanted it to continue so much … that you'll do just about anything to make sure it does. Even things you know are wrong or wouldn't have considered doing before. It's like a slippery slope with no bottom in sight."

"Sixteen-years-old is … it is very young in human terms. You were but a child, were you not?" Spock asked, hating the twinge of jealousy Jim's words about Raines even if they were said in the past tense.

Jim nodded stiffly.

"And yet you indicated that he … I interpreted your statement that he wanted all of you to mean that he … desired you sexually," Spock said softly.

"He did," Jim answered and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "And I wanted him back. We … we were intimate."

McCoy let out a disgusted whoosh of breath. "You're kidding me! He was what, forty and you were over twenty years his junior? So he gets his kicks seducing children?"

Jim sat up straighter. "It wasn't forced. Sixteen is the age of consent in Iowa. And believe me, I consented. I … I _wanted _him. More than anything at the time."

"Jim, that's bullshit and you know it! The years between sixteen and forty should be measured in dog's years, not human ones, because of the size of the maturity gap that exists between them," Bones argued.

"I would agreed, Jim. I do not believe a sixteen-year-old could consent to such a relationship in reality even if the law said otherwise," Spock said.

Jim grimaced. "The physicality of our relationship wasn't the problem. Not really. Maybe it made me think that I was … in love with him and he with me. But that's not what's important here. What's important is what … what he wanted me to do … to prove I loved him, that I was fully his."

Spock felt a churning in his gut at these words. An image of a younger, innocent James Kirk splayed out - naked and wanting on a rich man's bed, believing himself in love, when in fact, he was being used, his emotional attachment played, flashed before Spock's mind's eye. What could be viler than that?

"Besides being in his bed, what were these other things he required of you, Jim?" McCoy's voice was heavy with anger at Raines, mirroring Spock's own sentiments.

"Bad things … as you can imagine. And I did some of them. Actually, I did lots of them. Willingly. Eagerly. Loving the approval he gave me each time I crossed a line in the sand. Then came the cliff … I don't know why I was surprised when he asked me to step off," Jim said and shook his head. "Damascus never held a gun to my head … at least not then … to do any of it. My own … _weakness_ accounted for most of my actions. For what I _chose_ to do. I was an idiot. Worse, I was … " Jim's voice died off and his mouth pressed into a thin white line of disgust at himself.

The urge to touch, to comfort, overwhelmed his defenses and Spock reached out and gently squeezed Jim's shoulder. Thankfully, there was not the full-on mental connection that he both anticipated and feared from the touch; just a hint of pleasant mental buzzing, but nothing more. Perhaps it was the thin layer of cloth between his hand and Jim's skin that was enough to block it or … _'Jim's mental shields are up. Damn you, Damascus Raines.'_

Jim was so tense that his muscles felt like iron bands under Spock's palm. But amazingly those bands loosened almost immediately. The Captain turned his head to look at Spock. Although his eyes were covered, the lower part of Jim's face showed enough for Spock to know his touch was more than welcomed, that the Captain was grateful for his outreach. There was also an agreeable warmth in their slight mental connection to confirm Jim's outward reaction.

Spock could feel the Doctor's assessing eyes on the back of his head. He knew that McCoy would start connecting the dots of how he had behaved at the beach and his physical touching of the Captain now. What conclusions would the Doctor draw? Spock did not know, but he shook off the uncomfortable sensation of being observed so closely and continued to touch Jim. The Captain needed him and that outweighed any other considerations. Jim's smile widened as if he guessed or sensed Spock's decision.

"Jim, road. Eyes on road. You can gaze at the Vulcan some other time when my life is not in your hands," McCoy observed dryly.

Jim's head snapped back around so that he was looking out the windshield again, a blush heating his cheekbones, which caused Spock's right eyebrow to rise. Had the Captain been _gazing_ at him as the Doctor had intimated? And what was the meaning of the embarrassed flush?

"Sorry, Bones," Jim muttered.

"It's all right. Just eyes ahead, please," McCoy said.

"I thought you were only afraid of being killed in starships, not run of the mill cars," Jim joked weakly.

"I'm wary of anything that can move faster than I can and weighs ten times my weight. If you've ever seen a car accident victim, Jim, you wouldn't go above 25 miles per hour," McCoy said.

"I'm surprised you ever leave your precious Med Bay with your fear of … well … everything!" Jim said.

"It's an effort. Although when I'm in the Med Bay I think of how I could accidentally be poisoned by the medicines there," McCoy said.

"Good God, Bones! How do you deal with all these neuroses?" Jim said with a choked laugh.

"What can I say? I'm complicated," McCoy responded then drew the conversation back on track. "So what was the thing Lord Raines asked you to do that was a line too far to cross?"

Spock felt all the mirth leave Jim and the tension rush back in to replace it. Jim leant into his touch as if he needed strength to say the words. Spock willed calmness into him.

Jim said, "He wanted me to kill someone."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not make any money from these writing.

Title: Sacrifice

Author: Raythe

Pairing: Kirk/Spock

Fandom: Star Trek XI (2009 Movie) – Abrams Universe

Warnings: Slash, First Time, Romance, Angst, AU, WIP

Summary/Hints/Tips: This chapter is filled with angst again, with a touch of the supernatural/scariness (I hope it is anyways! That was the intent!). There will be more humor and more development of the Kirk/Spock relationship coming up.

Just as an aside for those of you who are game freaks like me: the Cerberus Corporation is an homage to Mass Effect and the title of this chapter, Heavy Price Paid, is the same as a song in the Halo game series. There's also a vague Hellboy reference. I'll leave it to those of you interested to figure that one out.

POV: Spock again. I was very relieved and incredibly happy that people liked Spock's "voice" in the last chapter. Kirk's POV will be coming soon. Again thank you for all the feedback, I cannot tell you how much it inspires me. Please continue to let me know what you think.

Raythe

CHAPTER FOUR: HEAVY PRICE PAID

Spock's POV

"_He wanted me to kill someone."_

"WHAT?!" McCoy said, rocketing forward so that he was practically in the front seat with them.

"Jesus, Bones, I think you burst my ear drum," Jim said, wiggling a finger in one ear.

"What the hell do you expect?! You said _kill _someone, didn't you? He asked you to _kill _somebody?" McCoy said unrepentantly, even as he modulated the volume of his voice down.

Jim nodded, his face pale and drawn.

Spock's own shock was more restrained in its exhibition than McCoy's, but its depth was the same if not more. Asking a child to kill for you? A child as sensitive and loving as Jim to sully himself by taking another's life? It was … _'monstrous.'_

"He treated me like a … like a son … as much as a lover," Jim said, shifting uncomfortably when he said 'son'. "He wanted to groom me to be his heir at Cerberus Corporation. And this was a test. To see if I would go the extra mile to get things done. To see how loyal and devoted I really was to him."

"For as … _intimate_ … as you were, Jim, Lord Raines must not have known you very well," Spock said, carefully.

"Why do you say that?" Jim asked.

"You would _never_ simply take another's life to show loyalty and devotion," Spock answered with conviction. "As an example, you offered to help Nero, even though you had no cause to. You would simply not kill someone unless it was a matter of extreme peril and there was simply no other way."

"I second that," McCoy said.

"Thank you," Jim answered softly, clearly touched by their faith him. "Back then I … I wasn't sure if there was any line I wouldn't cross for Damascus."

"There is no need for thanks, Jim. I am simply stating a fact," Spock said, his voice steady even as he felt a jolt of jealousy when Jim used Lord Raines' first name. Spock chastised himself internally for allowing his emotions so near the surface. Luckily, his control was firmly intact again and he could cover up his reactions, but it was still deeply disturbing to have these reactions at all.

Some of the tension bled from the Captain's shoulders and he almost smiled.

"Not to break this good feeling, but we're almost back to the Academy and I want to know more about Lord Raines before I have to sip cocktails with him," McCoy said, almost apologetically. "So … who did he ask you to kill?"

"Martin Feyaud. He was the CEO of Alinex Corporation," Jim said, the almost-smile dying, his hands tense again on the wheel again.

"Alinex? Isn't it out of business? Something about a scandal …" McCoy's brow furrowed as he tried to follow the scrap of memory back to its source.

"I believe what you are recalling is a report in the news from approximately five years ago, Doctor," Spock said and then summarized the pertinent parts of the article he had read, "Alinex was liquidated after its owner was found dead, hanging, in his home in Chicago. It was said that he had committed suicide after an investigation was started into allegations of financial mismanagement by Mr. Feyaud and other members of his family."

"Lies," Jim said, his voice cold. "All of it. The financial mismanagement and the … suicide. Martin didn't commit suicide. A thug by the name of Harding killed him."

"Harding worked for Lord Raines?" Spock asked.

"Yes, supposedly as one of his body guards," Jim explained. "But in truth, Harding was a _psycho_ Raines used to do things far off the books. He was a big guy, huge, as wide as he was tall, busted nose that made him wheeze when he breathed through it. I hated being around him. Gave me the creeps. He always _stared_ at me like he didn't just want to see what was under my clothes, but underneath my _skin_." Jim shuddered at the memory of bodyguard.

"Maybe we should have you tell us this story from the beginning," McCoy suggested.

"Yeah, that would probably would be a good idea," Jim said.

At that moment, Spock's hand accidentally slipped from Jim's shoulder to his bicep, his fingers encountering Jim's skin for the first time since his sexual awareness of the other man had emerged into his conscious mind. He told himself it was an accident even as his thumb began to move in tentative circles over the even softer flesh of Jim's inner arm. He was not sure if he was imagining it or not, but it seemed as if Jim extended his arm to the side slightly to give Spock more access to that tender area.

Jim rolled his shoulders back to loosen them then he began to speak, "It started when Alinex managed to strike a deal with the Illarians for the Xenon deposits on two of the gas giants in their solar system. Raines wanted those contracts, but Alinex outbid Cerberus; something that had never happened before and I don't think has ever happened since. Looking back on it, I believe the Illarians didn't like Cerberus' strong-arm tactics and would have gone with anyone else. But in any event, Raines was not pleased."

Perhaps it was the touch of bare skin, or Jim's acceptance of the closeness, but the mental connection between them suddenly increased tenfold and Spock was, shockingly, in Jim's mind or more specifically immersed in one of his memories.

The Vulcan could see before him a canopied bed covered in pale gray silk and a wood fire burning brightly in an antique fireplace. All else was in darkness. It was incredibly intimate to be in Jim's mind, to be seeing through his eyes.

But the joy of the moment was snuffed out when Spock heard a man's melodious, yet somehow chilling, voice come out of the surrounding velvety blackness, "This cannot stand, James. Surely, you see that? Alinex and its CEO must be taught a lesson … and I want you to be the one to teach them this lesson. Do this for Cerberus. Do this for … me."

The voice then went silent. The fire hissed and popped, but the darkness seemed to grow darker and larger. Spock struggled to move, but since he was only an observer in this, he was frozen in place … _'as Jim had been.'_

The silence was watchful as if … as if Lord Raines, for that was who it was, Spock was certain of it … had stopped speaking because he realized that Spock was there or … _would_ be there and would overhear him a decade later. Sweat broke out on Spock's upper lip or was it Jim's upper lip? He couldn't tell if the thumping heartbeat in his chest was his own or Jim's. Something stirred in the darkness. He had an overwhelming desire to see the voice's owner, this Lord Raines. He had to see him to know … to know … _'that he isn't some monster out of an Earth fairytale that mother used to read to me.'_

There was a shimmering in the darkness and a figure began to emerge into the firelight. Spock strained his eyes to catch the first glimpse of Lord Raines, but just as the other man was to appear Spock was suddenly dropped out of the memory. Air escaped his lungs in a half gasp. He was back in the convertible, sunlight streaming down on him, no darkness, no terrible being speaking. He was safe. Jim was safe.

Jim's head turned towards Spock as if sensing the Vulcan's distress. "Spock, are you all right?"

"Is Lord Raines human?" Spock asked, hardly thinking what he was saying until the words were out.

Jim frowned then said, "I … I always assumed so …"

"There's a but in there," McCoy noted.

"I … he was just different. Stronger, smarter … colder than anyone I'd ever met. Not that humans can't be like that. But it was different kind of cold. I can't explain it. Martin said some things about him not being like us, but … honestly, I just assumed he was," Jim explained. "Why, Spock?"

"It is nothing that need be dealt with now, Jim. Please continue your story," Spock said, trying to send comforting thoughts through their link while he tried to still his own unease.

"Are you sure?" Jim asked.

"I am. Please continue," Spock assured him as he wiped a slightly shaky hand over his brow.

To be so affected was not usual for him, but then again he had never been sucked into another person's memory. Even so this one exposure to Lord Raines disturbed the Vulcan more than even the crazed Nero had when the Romulan had boasted of destroying his people. There was something deeply wrong with this Raines. Spock was more grateful than ever that Jim had survived his relationship with this man relatively unscathed.

Jim nodded slowly then continued, "Raines never … got angry, exactly. He was always so … incredibly contained, controlled, yet his anger at Alinex and Martin … at the affront of them taking a deal that should have been Cerberus' was …" Jim shook his head. "He wanted both of them gone. Completely and utterly _gone_."

"How were you supposed to do this? Phaser blast to the back of the head or what? You were just a sixteen-year-old kid!" McCoy protested.

Jim's mouth turned down and he shifted slightly in his seat. "He thought I could … seduce Martin … get him alone and … and do whatever it took to end his life. Harding would …_ clean up_ after me."

"Holy mother of God, what a sick … what did you do?" McCoy asked.

Spock's thoughts mirrored McCoy's words. He gripped Jim tighter.

"I told Damascus I wouldn't do it. That it was crazy. Kill a man for a business deal? No, no way. But he wouldn't back off. He said I either did as he asked, killed Martin, or I was worth … _nothing_ … and should get out of his sight. That he and I would be done … that he would _withdraw his love from me_," Jim said, then with a twist of a smile added, "And I almost… _almost_ … did what he wanted when he said that."

"But you did not," Spock said firmly.

"No, but the fact that I thought about it at all—"

"Shows the strength of your heart," Spock said, the unfamiliar words tripping off his tongue like it was natural to speak this way of emotions.

He could feel Jim's eyes flicker over to him even though he could not see them behind the black lenses. "Thank you, Spock, I don't know if you're right, but … thank you for saying that."

"I am right, Captain. I … I know you," Spock said suddenly and stared out of the windshield rather than at Jim, though he did not stop touching the other man.

McCoy made a strangled noise of disbelief that he was hearing this from Spock, but the Vulcan refused to allow himself to withdraw his words or back down from this openness that he was experiencing with Jim for the first time in his life. It felt right. What that meant was unclear to Spock. He would have to meditate on this and ask his older self for guidance, but for now … he was just going to trust his feelings and go wherever they lead him.

"Well, that's ah … hmmm, well … something tells me that you didn't just leave things alone with Raines and this Martin guy, right Jim?" McCoy said to the Captain even as Spock could feel the Doctor's eyes boring into the back of his head.

"I told Damascus that I wasn't going to hurt Martin and that I wasn't going to let him hurt Martin either … even if it meant we were done. And he just … turned from me. Like I wasn't even in the room anymore. Like I didn't exist anymore. I told him that I was going to expose his plan, but it was like … he didn't even care. Like nothing could touch him … and I guess … he was right." Jim's voice sounded flat, but Spock could see and feel the fine tremors going through his body that showed how much this hurt to say. "Then I … I went to Martin. I told him everything I knew. About how Raines was going to kill him. I even offered to go to the police, but Martin said no. He didn't want me to ruin my life …"

Jim's voice suddenly faded out and, for the second time, Spock was plunged into his memories. Spock saw a grandfatherly man seated in a high-backed armchair … '_Martin Feyaud_.' Marin had gray hair neatly brushed back … '_like a silver fox'_ … his expression kindly, warm, welcoming … '_so different than what Jim was used to_.' And Spock knew for certain that he was indeed experiencing Jim's thoughts and emotions at that first meeting. He heart clenched at Jim's obvious low opinion of himself. It explained some of the younger man's bravado now.

Martin said in the memory, "You must understand, Jim, that Raines will stop at nothing to get what he wants. He's not … like other people."

"He's just a man, Martin … a rich, powerful one, but … there's nothing essentially _special_ about him." Jim's voice sounded younger and yet harder than he did now to Spock's ears.

Martin opened his mouth then shut it as if deciding against something, finally he said, "I've been tracking Raines for years, Jim. _Special_ might not be the right word for what he is. But _different_ … not altogether of _us_."

"You mean … not _human_?" Jim asked. Was Martin one of those human-centric thinkers, who rejected the equality of alien races?

"Not in the way you think I'm saying it," Martin said, as if he knew Jim's thoughts. "He's a threat to everyone, human and alien."

"You can't be serious. I know hearing he tried to kill you … would worry anyone, but he's not … not _evil_ like that," Jim said, even as his mouth suddenly went dry as memories of Raines' assaulted him: an odd animal night-shine in his eyes one time in a darkened room; his stronger than human vise-like grip on Jim's wrists when he took Jim almost brutally after the loss of the Illarian deal; his knowledge of everything that went on in Jim's head. "If you believe he's so scary or whatever why are you sticking your neck out by buying the Illarian Xenon deposits?"

"I'm trying to draw him out. I should have known he would send another to deal with me. An _innocent_," Martin explained.

Jim snorted. "I'm not _innocent_. Not for a long time anyways."

Martin gave him a look that said he knew all about Jim. He said, gently, "You _are_ an _innocent_, Jim. Those things that cause you disgust about yourself were done _to_ you not _by_ you. You are not responsible for them."

"How the hell do you know what happened to me?" Jim demanded, his voice going cold.

"You must forgive me, but I read your file before I agreed to meet with you. I had to be sure … well, I knew how close you were to Raines and I had to know whether to accept your visit. I'm sorry to have violated your privacy."

Jim's head hung down. After a long time, he said, "I guess I can understand that."

"Everything I read told me what … what I can see just by looking at you. That you've been taken advantage of by … many people," Martin said, softly.

"You're making me sound like a victim! I'm not! Do you hear me? I AM NOT!" Jim was shaking with anger and yet it was not aimed at this kind man before him. Spock felt the alien … or perhaps _human_ … urge to wrap his arms around his Captain, to assure him that being harmed by another did not diminish him, but Spock had no physicality in this memory just like the previous one. Finally, Jim seemed to calm himself and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to … to yell at you."

A warm, age-spotted hand covering Jim's. "I _know_. And I did not mean to upset you."

"It's … it's fine," Jim murmured, shrugging, clearly not used to kindness or understanding. "So why are you putting yourself in Damascus' path?"

"I've tracked him for years, Jim. Watched as he destroyed life after life. Polluted world after world. Lured civilization after civilization into endless wars. This must _stop_. He cannot be allowed to interfere as he has been," Martin explained.

Spock felt Jim's confusion and yet a growing horrified understanding, too. "I don't understand, Martin. What are you trying to say?"

Martin's eyes looked suddenly very old and very afraid. "Telling you more would just expose you to greater danger. He's let you live despite defying him. It's so strange. He has never done that before. But I do not believe this odd mercy will extend to you if you were to know more about what he is."

"But, Martin, if you don't tell me what's going on, why you're doing this, I can't help you!" Jim protested.

"I know that, Jim," the older man had said with an affectionate smile playing over his features. "I don't want you to help _me_. I want to help _you_."

"Jesus, Martin, I don't need to be protected like a little kid! I wasn't protected back then and I don't need to be _now_," Jim said.

Again that look of understanding, which made Jim shuffle uncomfortably from foot to foot. "You man not _need_ it, but you _deserve _it. You deserve to have a good life, Jim. And for as long as I am able, I will ensure you have access to that life."

"You don't even _know_ me. And you don't … _want _me … so why are you doing this?" Jim asked.

The other man gave him a sad smile. "Anyone who would risk their lives, defy a being like Raines, to aid someone else … well, I have a pretty good idea of the kind of man that would take. Someone who deserves to have a shot at making his mark on the Universe. You are that man, James Kirk."

"Are you really going to go after Raines … alone?" Jim asked, his voice soft and low.

"I am. I must," Martin answered simply.

Spock was once again rocketed back into his body in the convertible's seat. His one free hand clutched the door to steady himself. Other than a quick glance from Jim, no one seemed to notice what was happening to him.

"And that's all he would ever say about Raines. He never explained more than that. Even though I asked him constantly," Jim said, his voice sounding far away now that Spock was no longer _inside_ the other man's head.

'_Is Jim even aware that I am seeing so much of what is in his mind?'_ Spock was assiduous in not entering another's mind without their express consent, but he could not seem to help himself from falling into Jim's in this unaccountable manner. He knew that if he released Jim's arm, stopped touching the other man so intimately, these experience would stop, but he could not do that either. He would rather cut his hand off then release it from Jim's arm.

"Did you become …_ friends_ … with Martin?" McCoy asked, sounding strangely exhausted, as if he had heard this tale of one powerful man after another pursuing Jim.

"Not like _that_, Bones! Raines was wrong about Martin being interested with me in _that_ way. He was kind to me. He urged me to focus on schooling and … and make my own way in the world without Raines and without … without my father's _ghost_ hanging over me," Jim said.

"And you did pursue your schoolwork assiduously after that," Spock said, remembering what he read in Jim's file, and finding his voice again. "Your grades were even better than before."

"Yeah, I … I finished at the top of my class. For Martin. It was the only way I could honor him after he … he died," Jim said. He swallowed hard before continuing, "I wanted to avenge his death but … even though I went to the police, they didn't believe me! I had no _proof_ of what Raines done. When I tried to do something myself, to get that proof … Raines sent me a message through Harding."

"What did the bastard do?" McCoy asked.

"He threatened my mother," Jim said grimly. "She was working on Deep Space 3. Her suite and most of the section where the suite was located suffered a sudden and catastrophic decompression. Luckily, she decided the day before to go on leave. She was on her way to Earth when it happened. If she'd been at the Station … she'd be dead like the twenty other personnel who were there."

"Holy hell!" McCoy muttered.

"I read about the Deep Space 3 incident, Jim, but they said nothing about foul play," Spock said slowly. "The committee that looked into the matter found that the decompression was caused by a careless act of a technician who had not properly secured a docking door. Afterwards, the design of the door was changed to ensure that, even if there was an error, such a terrible accident could never occur again."

"That was the official story," Jim agreed. "But the technician wasn't working for the Federation, but was an employee of a wholly owned subsidiary of—"

"Let me guess, Cerberus Corporation?" McCoy interrupted.

Jim nodded. "Whether the technician's actions were negligent or deliberate will never be known. She supposedly committed suicide, too, before the committee could ever interview her."

"You've got to be kidding me," McCoy said, shaking his head in disgust.

"And if that wasn't enough to make me suspicious, Harding called me, and told me about the decompression _before_ it was reported on the Net," Jim said.

"Being so close to Raines … he undoubtedly would have heard about it before the press," Spock pointed out.

"True. But then he asked me if I hated my mother so much that I'd risk her life by pursuing this vendetta against Raines," Jim said, his voice becoming clipped and cold. "I got the message. I backed off. And I haven't seen or spoken to Raines since. So you see what will happen if I show up at this dinner? He'll know how much this deal means to me and he could just end it to pay me back for all I've done. I can't risk it. I can't risk the Vulcan people's future."

There was silence in the car as all three men contemplated what Jim had told them. Jim took a final curve in the highway and the Academy's white bulk appeared before them. The Captain expertly drove them down the ramp to an underground garage to return the car.

"Well, damn … I wish I could come down with a dread disease to avoid this man, too," McCoy stated. "Don't worry, Jim, we'll figure out something to keep you out of this. What are you going to do, Spock? Are you going to tell the Vulcan Council about this?"

Spock nodded. "I will tell them of his character. They need to know who they are dealing with."

As Jim pulled the convertible into its assigned space, Admiral Pike emerged from the elevator lobby and hustled towards them. He was already in his dress blues, looking harassed, but happy to have found them. Spock saw Jim's jaw clench in dismay. Being caught by the Admiral coming back from the beach, with Jim looking especially healthy and tan, was not going to support their sickness claim.

"Oh, damn," McCoy hissed under his breath. He jumped out of the car and blocked the Admiral's way. "Admiral, you might not want to get too close. Jim is, ah, … feeling under the weather in a big way. It could be Andarian Flu. Don't want to risk the infection spreading to others."

The Admiral stared at McCoy, a bemused smile on his face. "Testing out your comedy routine, Dr. McCoy? Or are you asking me to believe _you_ instead of my _lying eyes_?"

"What? Ah, no, I'm being serious," McCoy said, as he cast a meaningful glance back at Spock to aid him in his deception.

Spock knew a losing cause when he saw it. Jim apparently did, too. The Captain slipped off his sunglasses and Spock felt a moment of joy from seeing Jim's eyes again. Jim gave him a rueful look as he clambered out of the convertible and walked past McCoy to the Admiral. Spock quickly followed.

"Thanks, Bones, but I seem to have had a … quick recovery," Jim said lightly.

"Trying to get out of the dinner tonight?" Admiral Pike asked as he clapped Jim on the shoulder.

"Yeah, something like that," Jim said, his head drooping slightly.

Spock fought the urge to swat the other man's hand off of Jim. He laced his own hands together tightly behind his back. He thought that his awareness of Jim would fade once he wasn't touching the other man, but it was still there, a gentle mental buzzing. If he were anywhere near Pon Farr, he could write off this hyperawareness of the other man as a reaction to the buildup of hormones, but … and here was where, even if he had been near that time, Spock would have had to have dismissed it as the _sole_ cause of his feelings for the other man … the level of mental connectedness was unheard of, special, unique.

And unlike Pon Farr, which filled him with dread … Spock did not want these feelings to end.

His attention snapped back to their current situation when Jim scuffed the ground with his foot then as if coming to a decision, squared his shoulders and said, "Admiral, I don't think it would be a good idea for me to be there tonight. Lord Raines and I … we have a past."

"Well, it must be a pretty good one," Admiral Pike stated, his bright eyes pinning Jim in place. "Considering he told me himself that the only reason he was even considering selling Neos to the Vulcans is because of _you_."

"What?" Jim asked.

McCoy muttered an expletive under his breath and Spock found himself standing up straighter.

"Not only that. He's giving the Federation first crack at Cerberus' newest ship technology … at a discount. I've only seen the base readings for these new craft, but … my God, if we'd had it when we were fighting Nero … let's just say that we wouldn't have lost half the Fleet," Admiral Pike said.

"I can't believe this, Admiral," Jim said. "I really can't believe this."

"Me neither," McCoy said.

"Admiral," Spock began, "you said that Lord Raines, _himself_, told you that Jim was his motivation for doing these things?"

"Yes, we spoke earlier today when he … gently requested … that I make sure that Jim show up for tonight's dinner," Admiral Pike said, squeezing Jim's shoulder. "So I'm pulling rank on you, Captain, you're coming. Andarian Flu or no Andarian Flu. We'll risk it."

"Admiral," Jim said, licking suddenly dry lips. "Raines may have led you to believe that he has … _fond_ … memories of me, but that simply isn't the case."

Admiral Pike was already shaking his head. "He let on that … you, two, had a relationship and that … things hadn't ended well between you, but he took the blame for that. Whatever you think he feels about you … he wants you to know that you're wrong."

"He's not what he seems, Admiral," Jim protested. "He's lying about this. He was behind the death of a friend of mine. He—"

Admiral Pike's expression went grim as he interrupted, "Jim, I know all about Martin Feyaud and your _accusations_ against Raines. And I also know that there's absolutely _nothing_ to support them. Your actions then were undoubtedly based on being young and upset at the … ending of your relationship. Raines is willing to put that in the past. You need to do the same."

As the Admiral spoke, Jim's expression went from surprised to angry. The Captain's hands fisted at his sides, his face flushed and his mouth tightened into a thin white line. Spock surreptitiously placed a hand on Jim's lower back to calm him. They did not need the Captain punching out Admiral Pike, a man the Captain admired under other circumstances. Jim pressed back against his hand. Spock's touch seemed to help Jim gain control of himself. The pinched look left Jim's face and he was able to speak with his mouths rather than his fists.

"Sir … with all due respect … murder isn't something you just put in the _past_. I may not have proof of what he did, but I _know_ he did it," Jim said softly. "I wasn't and I'm not acting out, because Raines … _broke_ _up_ … with me."

"I know you're new at the whole officer thing, Jim, so I'm going to give you some advice," Admiral Pike said, almost gently. "I'm going to speak frankly to you … not to hurt you … but to stop you from making a foolish mistake."

"What mistake?" Jim asked, his body rigid.

"No matter how talented and intelligent you are, and we both know that you have both in spades … those things simply are not enough to keep your captaincy. You have enemies who would like to see nothing better than the youngest Star Fleet Captain fail," Admiral Pike said, gravely. "You jumped ahead of many more senior men and women to command the Enterprise. That's not just a run-of-the-mill Starship you're in charge of. That's the _flagship_ of the entire fleet. Having someone like Lord Raines on your side will ensure that your career doesn't end before it begins."

"Sir, I—"

Pike held up a hand to silence Jim's protest. "I know what you're going to say. That your skills and nerve alone have gained you your place and that they'll help you keep it. That's all true, but there's another level, Jim, another playing field altogether that you need to start looking at and playing on. Or otherwise … well, I'm in your corner. But there's only so much I can do. Besides, I know how close you and Spock are."

"Admiral, what does our … _closeness_ … have to do with this?" Spock asked, his right eyebrow rising.

Pike gave the Vulcan a cautious smile. "Only that I'm sure Jim wants the best for the Vulcans generally … and, especially, because you two are such close friends. Neos is what is best for the Vulcans. Your father, Sarek, is especially wedded to the idea of colonizing Neos. So if Jim lays down his vendetta against Raines … Neos as the new Vulcan home world will be a much closer reality."

At Pike's words, Spock's hand against Jim's back felt suddenly like a brand. Jim's affection for him was being used by the Admiral against his Captain and Raines would do the same. He felt a sudden visceral hatred for Raines, Pike and even his own father. Spock knew then that even Sarek would ignore Jim's experiences with Raines, because all of them had already discussed it and decided that for expedience's sake the past would remain the past no matter the cost to Jim and the dead Martin Feyaud.

"Forgive me, Sir," McCoy said, breaking his unusual silence. "But that's a bunch of hooey!"

"Bones!" Jim said, surprised at the doctor's outburst.

The doctor had been so quiet that Spock had almost forgotten he was there, but he could not miss the other man now. McCoy's arms were crossed over his chest and his dark eyes were slitted with disgust.

"Doctor?" Admiral Pike asked, looking slightly amazed and amused by the doctor's lack of protocol.

"Are we really going to throw our morals out the window to get a bigger, better ship? To get the Vulcans a piece of rock?" McCoy asked. "Trust me when I say that whatever we get from dealing with Raines is surely worth less than what we're giving up. A man like that never makes a deal that he doesn't come up on top of. I don't know how, but I'm damned sure that Raines will get the better half of this and we'll all be ruing the day we ever made a deal with him."

Admiral Pike took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. "Your … ah, _colorful_ … view of the situation notwithstanding, Dr. McCoy, we can't base our actions on mere _speculation_."

"You don't have to. You just have to remember that old story about the turtle and the scorpion," McCoy said. When everyone gave him a perplexed look, McCoy sighed and explained, "A turtle allows a scorpion on his back, agrees to take him to the other side of the pond, a place the scorpion can't reach without the turtle's help. Just at the moment when they reach the other side … the scorpion stings the turtle. In his death throes, the turtle asks why the scorpion did this, when he'd helped him. The scorpion responds, 'You knew what I was when you picked me up.' All things act in their nature, Admiral, and from what Jim's told me … Raines' nature is a bad one."

"I understand your loyalty to your friend, Dr. McCoy. And that speaks well of him and of you," Admiral Pike said. "But the thing is … those in power have made a decision. And nothing is going to change their minds. You can be part of this … or not. But all things being equal … well, Jim, I'm sorry, but I'm ordering you to come to tonight's dinner. I expect you'll do more than your level best to be gracious and charming to _everyone_. Is that understood?"

Jim nodded curtly. Pike gave his shoulder another friendly squeeze.

"I know it's hard, son. But it's part of the price of being an officer," Pike said. "Sometimes that price seems heavy, but in the end, you'll see, that this is all for the best."

None of the friends spoke as Admiral Pike turned and made his way to the elevator up to the reception area. It wasn't until the elevator doors shut that McCoy let out a stream of expletives, his hands on his hips, anger radiating out of every pore. Jim's shoulders slumped and he stared at the ground like it had some kind of answers. Spock did not know if he was more angry or disappointed himself. Logic failed him utterly in this situation.

"I will speak to my father about Raines, Jim," Spock said, even though he had half-convinced himself already that it was a lost cause. "I will convince him—"

"No," Jim said, sounding exhausted. "Don't. They've decided that it doesn't matter what he's done, they want what he's selling."

"Jim's right, Spock," McCoy said. "Raines could be eating babies in front of them and they'd all smile and call it a quaint tradition … so long as they get their planet and technology. Nobody cares what happened to a man eight years ago that none of them knew. Hell, some might even _admire_ that bastard Raines for doing it. How many of them wish they had the guts to kill a rival? More than half of them, I'm sure."

"Let's just hope that Raines actually means to give them the technology and the planet, Bones. At least then there would be something good out of this," Jim said and ran a hand through his short hair. "Guess, we'd all better get dressed."

"We are all going to this shindig together. We'll meet at your room, Jim," McCoy said, his expression brooked no argument then, with a hint of a smile, he added, "Because we all know that Jim takes forever getting ready."

"Unlike you, Bones. You keep your dress uniform in the bottom of your closet … rolled into a ball," Jim teased back as he pretended to be affronted.

"Well, I hate the damn thing. I keep hoping if I mistreat it enough it'll shrivel up and die and then I won't have to wear it again," McCoy said and slapped Jim on the back, urging the younger man towards the elevators.

Spock's fingers tingled with the desire to gently guide his Captain to the elevators with a hand on his lower back, to touch that space he had somehow begun to think of as his.

The easy banter continued as they rode the elevator up to their floors. It wasn't until after they dropped Jim off on the floor where his temporary quarters were and McCoy and Spock were alone in the elevator that the doctor spoke of Raines again.

With a fierce look in his eyes, McCoy turned to face Spock and said, "No matter what, Spock, we don't leave Jim alone for a second tonight. Not one damned second."

Spock's eyebrows rose. "While I agree with that plan, Doctor, it, in fact, mirrors my own … I wonder what _your_ reasons are for it."

McCoy gave a humorless laugh. "Oh, my reasons are based on just a bit of _mere_ _speculation_, Spock, but I'm sure of them nonetheless. Jim was worried that Raines won't come through on his part of the deal with the Federation and the Vulcans. I don't have any fears about that. I think the man is offering so much and will guarantee it goes to the interested parties, because he wants so much more in return."

"Money …," Spock offered then his voice died as McCoy vigorously shook his head negatively.

"No, not money, not power, not accolades. _Raines wants_ _Jim_," McCoy said, grimacing. "And those damned fool higher ups will give Jim right to him, without a second thought, if we don't stop it."

Spock felt a chill that had nothing to do with the ambient temperature of the elevator run through him. And then he was flooded with an almost uncontrollable rage at the thought of anyone taking his Captain away from him. It was _unacceptable_.

"He _cannot_ have Jim," Spock almost growled the words.

McCoy pulled back, a look of surprise then understanding flickering over his face. A wide smile crossed his face. "That's exactly the reaction and determination we need to fight this son-of-a-bitch Raines."

"Indeed, Doctor," Spock said, resolve flowing through his body. "We must do whatever it takes to keep Jim safe. _Whatever it takes_."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not make any money from these writing.

Title: Sacrifice

Author: Raythe

Pairing: Kirk/Spock

Fandom: Star Trek XI (2009 Movie) – Abrams Universe

Warnings: Slash, First Time, Romance, AU, WIP

Summary: This is almost all Jim and Spock romance in this chapter. Jim's in a towel for part of it. Raines will appear in the next one. Hope you don't mind the continuing building of suspense!

POV: This chapter is done in Kirk's point of view.

Again, your feedback is incredible. I appreciate it dearly. Please continue to let me know what you think.

Raythe

CHAPTER FIVE: NORMAL BETWEEN THEM

Kirk's POV

Jim was drying his hair when he heard the chime indicating someone was at his door. He had just come out of the shower and was clad only in a small towel, which hung low on his hips and draped only to mid-thigh. With a damp hand, he switched on the view screen to see who it was. Spock was standing there, dress uniform on with nary a stray crease, hair neatly combed, and hands linked behind his back.

Jim grinned.

Seeing Spock always made him happy; sometimes he felt almost giddy at the sight of the other man. Bones told him that he acted like a puppy in front of Spock: dancing and jumping up and down around him then barking and wagging his tail when he got the Vulcan's attention or peeing on the carpet when ignored. The comparison hadn't offended Jim; he'd found it rather apt. And he'd amused himself with the thought of Spock's reaction to Bone's imagery.

He pressed the button to unlock his door and said into the intercom, "Spock, c'mon in."

Jim didn't even consider his level of undress with Spock before he buzzed the other man in. It wasn't until Spock entered and caught sight of his bare legs that Jim realized how a man who had tried to block the view of his naked torso might feel about seeing him even more unclothed.

As the door whooshed shut behind the Vulcan's spare figure, Spock's gaze riveted first on Jim's bare feet then slowly rose upwards over his knees, then lower thighs, then skipped up past his covered groin, to his muscled stomach. When Spock's gaze hit his stomach, Jim would have sworn that the Vulcan had some sort of heat vision, because he could almost feel Spock's scorching gaze rake up his chest. Finally their eyes met. Jim couldn't help the blush that heated his cheekbones, but shockingly, he saw it was mirrored on Spock's face except there was a greenish tinge rather than a reddish one due to the different colors of their blood.

"You're blushing," Jim said, a hint of awe in his voice.

Spock's eyebrow rose. "Indeed, it is warm in here. From your … _shower_."

"Warm … for a _Vulcan_?" Jim couldn't keep the disbelief out of his tone. Spock's blush grew deeper and his brown-eyed gaze skittered away. Jim felt like cursing himself for the thoughtless comment. Clearly his near nudity was disturbing the modest Vulcan and now he was compounding that by pointing out Spock's attempt to deflect the issue. "Ah, never mind. I'm sorry about my … _lack of apparel_ as Bones would say, but … since it was _you_ at the door, I just didn't _think_," Jim said as he backed up towards his bed where his dress uniform was laid out.

"There is no need to apologize, Jim. I am not offended. Your … _comfort_ … in being so open with me shows a level of trust that I am honored to have," Spock said, sincerely. Jim felt a warm rush go through at Spock's words. Only the Vulcan would take a mistake of his and make it seem like an asset. Spock then continued, "Also I find that you … _think_ … quite extensively when I am near."

Still thrilling from the earlier comment, Jim couldn't help the laugh that came out for the latter. "Really? Well, shows my ability to bluff then."

Jim slipped on a pair of black boxer briefs underneath the towel. Once the briefs were securely on and he was adjusted in them, he allowed the towel to drop to the ground. He then bent over to get his pants. His back was to Spock, but he heard a soft sound from the other man. If he'd heard that sound come from any other person than Spock he would have thought it was a gasp of pleasure. But his First Officer would never look at him like that.

Jim half-turned to see Spock's expression was, but it was as placid as ever. He must have imagined the gasp even though … _'even though the way he touched me in the car, the compassion he allowed himself to show, was so intimate.'_ Jim shoved that that thought away,_ 'It means nothing. Well, maybe, not nothing. It means a great friendship. Just like the elder Spock told me. Besides he has Nyota. He would never want me. He'd be horrified to know I want him.'_

Jim had noticed his attraction to Spock from the first. Something about his authoritative bearing, amazing strength and almost delicate, but definitely masculine, beauty had drawn Jim in and never let him go. The fact that the other man also confounded him, challenged him and made him reach for the best inside himself played a role, too. But Jim normally never allowed himself to feel desire for those he was close to emotionally after Raines, but Spock had broken down all his barriers. The fact that it was a hopeless attraction didn't seem to affect the level of desire he had whatsoever. _'I must settle for his friendship. If I don't … I risk everything. And I can't do that.' _To distract himself, Jim asked where their ornery Chief Medical Officer was.

"Where's Bones?" Jim said as he slid on one leg then the other of his dark blue dress pants. "I expected you two to come down in a phalanx after his reaction to Pike."

Spock nodded. "I believe he is still in his room. He was still … _wrestling_ … with his uniform when I last saw him."

Jim chuckled. "He really hates uniforms. The normal crew uniform is okay, but get him in anything with a stiff collar and he's fit to be tied."

"Yes, and as you supposed earlier, the uniform had been quite wrinkled from being on the floor. He was attempting to make it look presentable. It is apparently not an easy task … which I surmised from the increased level of his already prodigious cursing," Spock added. "So he sent me on ahead."

"To keep me out of trouble? He was probably worried that I would go to the dinner by myself, phaser in hand to confront Raines," Jim said calmly, even as his stomach clenched as he was reminded that he was going to see Raines very soon.

After eight years of not even allowing himself to watch vids of Raines, Jim was going to be in the same room with him. Maybe even have to make small talk with him. Jim felt queasy, but also a frission of … something else. It could have either been fear or excitement. It was always like that with the other man. Being with Damascus had been like gunning the engine when you're heading towards a cliff. You knew you were going to fall, and fall hard, but you imagined just for a moment that you might fly. Jim felt ashamed that he could have ever found anything about Raines attractive. The man was a cold-hearted murderer. _'Why didn't I see it before?' _Jim wrenched his thoughts away from Raines and put all his attention again on Spock.

"I believe the Doctor's exact words were, 'stop Jim from being a damned martyr. He's not going anywhere near that Raines bastard without us,'" Spock said quoting McCoy.

Jim couldn't help his grin. "Bones is a wonderful friend even if he sometimes mother-hens me to death."

"I think his caution in this case is well-deserved, Captain. You have a tendency to risk yourself unnecessarily," Spock said.

"I'm not going to do anything rash, Spock. I intend to hide in the corner as much of the evening as I can. I won't speak to Raines, if I don't have to and if I do … I'll keep it short and civil," Jim said, as much to reassure Spock as himself.

"It is … _disturbing_ … that he should base any part of his decision to sell Neos to the Vulcans on his feelings for you," Spock said. "This indicates that he is not yet … devoid of feelings for you."

There was a tartness in his voice that Jim had never heard before. If he didn't know better he would think it was possessiveness he was hearing.

"I'm sure I didn't play any real role in his decision," Jim said, trying to look back at what he knew of Raines' character analytically. "He just wants to sweeten the deal for himself. You know, get the profits and PR from the sale and then torment me a little as well."

Spock's brow furrowed. "I think his actions indicate not that he wishes to torment you, but that he wishes to … win you back, to buy your good opinion."

Jim frowned. He hadn't thought of that. "I don't know which would be worse. I want nothing to do with him."

"We will protect you from his attentions," Spock said, decisively.

"I feel safer already," Jim said, grinning at the Vulcan's protectiveness.

As though satisfied with their discussion on Raines, Spock wandered over to the wall where Jim's desk was located. There was an ever-changing kaleidoscope of pictures in the frames on the wall above the desk. All, but one of them, were of him and Bones during their Academy days. Many showed Jim's arm slung over Bones' shoulders; the older man grinning against his will as they either were in trouble or were looking for it.

"You have no pictures of your life before the Academy," Spock remarked as he pivoted on his heel to face Jim again.

"The Academy's where my life really began. Before that … well, I don't really want to commemorate what came before. But … there is one picture not of the Academy," Jim walked over and scrolled through the slideshow until the picture of his mother and father from their wedding appeared.

Spock studied it quietly for a moment, before saying, "You have many of your father's features."

"Yeah, so I'm told," Jim said and grimaced. To stop the conversation, he instantly turned and began pulling on the white button-down dress shirt that went beneath the elaborate dark blue jacket.

"Have I said something to upset you, Jim?" Spock asked and Jim nearly jumped as the other man touched him, warm fingertips barely brushing his shoulder. It felt like an electric current each time they had physical contact.

"No … I mean … _you_ haven't upset me," Jim said quickly, trying to cover up the pleasurable reaction he had from the touch.

The Vulcan's brow furrowed as he remarked, "But you are upset. I can feel …" Spock clamped his mouth shut as if he wanted to stop the words from bursting out of him.

"You can _feel_ that I'm upset? That's part of your touch telepathic ability, isn't it?" Jim asked. "I don't mind you knowing what's going on in my head. It's a hell of a lot easier than having to tell you sometimes."

"I do not wish to invade your privacy," Spock said, his brow furrowing more.

"If it helps, you have my permission to look into my mind and know my feelings all you want," Jim said and tried not to get drawn into Spock's gaze. The scent of the other man, sandalwood and alien spice, was distracting enough without those strikingly warmth-filled eyes being added into it. Perhaps he shouldn't have given the Vulcan permission so quickly to know _all_ his thoughts and feelings. He dreaded what the other man would think of his attraction.

"I do not know if you fully understand the _extent_ of my ability to read your thoughts and feelings. Normally, one must touch at certain pressure points on the skull to read anything, but I find that I can even read you … _without_ touching you. Not even those who are mated experience this level of connection," Spock explained as he studied Jim intently.

"So what you're trying to say is that … we're not normal?" Jim asked, a quirked smile lighting his face.

Spock paused, his head cocked to the side. "I do not know if _we_ are not normal, _per se_, but this level of _connection_ is _not_ within the norm."

Spock's hands went behind his back again and Jim mourned the loss of those sensitive fingers questing over his skin. A ripple of heat flowed through him as he imagined those graceful hands trailing over his pectoral muscles and his lower belly.

"You had me worried there for a minute," Jim said after clearing his throat, trying to stop the thoughts of his First's hands on him. "I've never been normal, Spock. I've never wanted to be. If this … _closeness_ … is unusual for others, so what? It's what's _normal_ between us."

"And that pleases you? That we should be so close?" Spock asked slowly.

"Absolutely. I would have it no other way," Jim said and he was surprised and pleased by another hint of a blush on the Vulcan's cheekbones.

"Then I accept it and embrace it as well," Spock said, in what sounded like almost a formal declaration of … well, something. Jim didn't know. But anything to draw them closer was good in his mind.

'_Except you're hoping that the closeness is physical as well as mental, aren't you?'_ Jim's conscience pricked him.

"Would you tell me what upset you earlier?" Spock asked and Jim cursed Vulcan doggedness.

Jim shrugged on the white button-down dress shirt, his eyes securely downward, focused on the small pearl buttons as he dredged up unpleasant memories. "My mother would always tell me I looked just like my father every time she would leave for another assignment. The older I got, the more I looked like him, the longer her assignments became. She couldn't bear to see me, because I reminded her so much of him. So she _left_ me with my bastard stepfather."

'_Alone with him,'_ Jim thought and swallowed the thick feeling of shame, anger and despair that clutched him remembering that time._ 'Alone in the damned house with him. Where he'd drink and drink and then … then start looking at me. Sometimes he'd stand there in the threshold of my bedroom when he thought I was asleep with a beer in one hand and his other hand …NO! I won't think of that anymore. It's over and done. And done some more. Maybe that's why Raines seemed like such a savior at the time … anything to get away from those eyes.'_

Jim realized that he was shaking, making it all but impossible to button his shirt. He muttered under his breath, hoping his anger at himself would stop the trembling, but it just made it worse. Suddenly, Spock brushed his hands away and began buttoning the shirt with neat, methodical movements. Jim held his breath as each time a button was pulled through its corresponding hole, he could feel the heat of Spock's fingers against his chest. He looked up at Spock's face, but the other man's eyes were fixed on his task. Jim was surprised he could feel the desire to be touched by the Vulcan after thinking of his stepfather, but with Spock everything was turned upside down.

"Your mother was not present when you were officially made captain, was she?" Spock stated, more than asked, as he secured another button.

"Ah, no," Jim said, for a moment forgetting how to speak as Spock's hands moved downwards as he closed more buttons. "No, she was on assignment … still out at Deep Space 3. So she couldn't have come even if she'd wanted to."

"But you do not believe she wished to be there? Even if it was possible, you believe she would not have attended?" Spock asked, as his fingers now glided over Jim's stomach, fastening the second to last button.

"No, I think seeing me become Captain of a Starship would have been too much for her," Jim explained, trying to order his thoughts as Spock's hands drifted towards that last button. "Not only do I look like my father, I was born the day he died, and now … now I'm getting to do what he loved and only had a few minutes at." Jim realized as he said it that even the painful admissions did not hurt so much when Spock touched him.

Spock secured the final button and his hands hovered there for a moment. Jim wondered if Spock was going to tuck the shirt in for him. What would it feel like to have Spock's warmer-than-human hands slide down the front of his pants, skim his sides and cup his buttocks? Jim's breathing and heart rate increased. He had the wild desire to thread his and Spock's hands together and thrust them down his pants so that he could feel the Vulcan's touch. Spock was suddenly backing away from him, head bowed, a formal stiffness in his gait and stance.

"It is done," Spock said, his voice was almost inflectionless.

Jim knew that when Spock felt the most, he showed the least, until he completely shattered and then acted. Spock was behaving just like that now. He appeared to be on the brink of losing control and …_ 'doing what? What's upsetting him so much? Oh, God … he warned me earlier. He can feel everything I feel. He must have sensed my attraction to him. He's horrified. Disgusted. Doesn't know how to react. I could lose his friendship over this. Why, why, why couldn't I keep control of myself?!'_

Desperate to do damage control, Jim said, "Spock … look I can control this. I won't act on it. I … I don't want our friendship to be affected by my attraction to you … I mean … that's why you're upset … right?"

Jim felt his stomach sink to his feet when Spock said nothing at first in reaction to his confession. Perhaps he had been mistaken. Maybe Spock had no idea what he'd been feeling and he'd just given himself away. Jim's chest seized, wondering if he just managed to destroy one of the best friendships he'd ever had by jumping in without thinking.

Spock's eyes slowly rose to meet Jim's. Jim tensed. The eyes would tell him if all of this were now over or … Jim couldn't even think beyond that. His breath caught. Spock's eyes were … filled with warmth. Again that hint of a blush graced his cheekbones, but there was only pleasure in his expression no embarrassment.

"Your attraction is not … _upsetting_ … to me, Jim," Spock said.

"It's not?" Jim asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"No, it is not. It is … _welcome_," Spock said, his voice sounding deeper than usual.

"Welcome?" Jim parroted, sure he couldn't be understanding Spock correctly.

"Indeed. Very welcome. For it is _returned_," Spock said.

"You mean … you find … _me_ … attractive, too?" Jim asked.

"Exquisitely so," Spock said, still standing almost formally at attention, making no move to come nearer, which Jim felt perplexing, but then again he wasn't moving either.

Jim made a half-step towards the other man and Spock retreated. "Then why … why are you backing away from me? Do you not want to … I mean … do you not _want_ to pursue this?" He found himself uncharacteristically stammering almost incoherently, "I know _I'm_ not one to talk about acting on attraction without there being more there … I mean … you're with Nyota and I'm … well, I don't think this is a … I wouldn't risk our friendship for something _casual_. You're too _important _to_ me_ to risk everything for that. So … are you … what are you … damn, I can't get the words out!"

Spock suddenly cupped Jim's cheek. Jim couldn't stop the riotous blush that seemed to flood his face and the rest of his body as he confessed to feeling … _'love. Love. I recognize it even if it's seemed like a completely alien concept for years.'_

Spock's expression became warmer and softer somehow. Even though the amount of facial movement was probably only a centimeter or two, Jim could _see_ the emotions cross the Vulcan's face.

"I agree completely, Jim. I need to resolve things with Nyota as quickly as possible so that I can pursue you cleanly," Spock said and he seemed to lean into Jim as he added, "You are very important to me. You are … _essential_ … to me. I would not risk what we have unless I was certain … "

"You were certain of?" Jim asked, amused and horrified how breathless he sounded.

"That you are … the _only one_ for me," Spock answered softly.

Jim's eyes closed for a moment as he relished Spock's words. His feelings were returned. Spock _loved_ him. Spock loved _him_. And it wasn't a fling. It wasn't anything like that. The permanency that he'd fled when offered by anyone else (_other than Raines_, his mind whispered) he fully embraced with Spock.

"So is … is Nyota … the cause for your … distance?" Jim asked, opening his eyes finally to take in Spock's visage.

"Yes and no," Spock said, his brown eyes darkened; his thumb ran a light line across Jim's cheekbone that burned. "My desire for you is … too great. If I were to allow myself to give into this now … I am not certain what would happen … other than the certainty that we would _not_ be going to the dinner."

Jim gave out a delighted laugh and Spock lifted a delicate eyebrow showing amusement, too.

"You do know that Nyota is going to kill me for stealing you away," Jim said, half in jest. He felt a small stab of guilt for pursuing Spock before he was free of her.

"You did not steal me away, Jim. For I was never hers," Spock said and Jim couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. "It is my fault that this has come about. I should have ended things with her long ago, but I delayed for reasons which I now know were … _insufficient_ … and that this ending will be more painful for her in consequence of my postponement."

"She's a valuable crew member and … a good person," Jim said, honestly. "While I am sorry for her … I won't give you up even if that means she leaves the Enterprise. Though I sincerely hope that she does not."

"My feelings are the same as yours. I will make every effort to ensure that she knows the fault lies solely with me and that both of us wish that she remain on the Enterprise," Spock said.

"I'm sure you'll do all you can," Jim said. "But … I don't want to talk about Nyota anymore. Not when we're _here_. _Alone_. And you're finally touching _me_."

Jim turned his head into Spock's hand and nuzzled the soft skin. Spock's eyes went almost black and a tremor ran through the Vulcan.

"You must not tease, Jim," he said, softly. "I am not like a human male. I will _not_ be able to let you go once this starts. Please … help _me_ control myself."

Jim's eyes widened when he saw the truth of that statement in Spock's expression. There were actual beads of sweat breaking across the Vulcan's brow as he fought an internal struggle not to … _'not to take me on the bed.'_ Jim shivered, but it wasn't in fear. Part of him was thrilled by the thought of being so close to the flame that was Spock's passion for him. The risk-taker in him couldn't wait to test the Vulcan's control and see what happened when it broke. But the part of him that was Spock's friend knew not to pursue that now. He nodded and reluctantly took a step back from the Vulcan. Spock's shoulders sagged in relief.

Bone's riotous knocking at Jim's door broke the moment as efficiently as if they had both been doused with cold water. Jim sighed and swiftly went to the door to open it and to create some physical space between himself and Spock. Even before the door slid open, Jim could hear Bones yelling that they better not have left without him and if that damned Vulcan had done so he was going to hear about it until Judgment Day.

"Hello, Bones," Jim said, almost getting a face-full of fist as the doctor was caught off-guard by the opening door. Jim was pleased that he almost sounded normal.

"What the hell took you so long to answer, Jim?" Bones growled then he saw that Jim's pants were still undone, his shirt hanging out. "Please tell me you aren't romancing somebody _now_."

Jim felt his cheeks heat at Bones' words, but he said nothing. He couldn't answer truthfully without opening a whole can of worms that he wouldn't be able to handle at that moment. The doctor pushed past him into the interior of the room. Jim turned and saw that Spock was once again staring at the slideshow of photographs on his wall, hands linked behind his back, and his expression serene.

"Spock! There you are. I thought you had allowed Jim to fly the coup. Should have known you wouldn't let me down," Bones said and settled down on Jim's bed. He began immediately to pull at the collar of his uniform. "Damned thing's strangling me already."

The slight tightening of Spock's shoulders when Bones entered told Jim that his control was still fragile. Jim wanted to go to Spock, rest his hands on the other man's back and make that tension go away. But his touch wouldn't soothe the Vulcan, but would inflame him instead. To resist that urge, Jim tucked in his shirt quickly then buttoned and zipped his fly. Bones sensed the tension, but didn't know the cause. He looked from Jim to Spock and back again when neither man broke the silence.

"Okay … what's the problem?" Bones asked. "If I didn't know the Vulcan was incapable of holding a grudge, I would think you two had a fight or something."

"On the contrary, Doctor, we are … completely in agreement," Spock said, as he suddenly faced Jim and handed him the silver cufflinks for his shirt.

Jim gave him a grateful smile and went about fastening them. He was shocked when Spock picked up his uniform's jacket from the bed beside Bones and held it up for him to slip on. Out of the corner of Jim's eye he saw Bones' mouth drop open as he watched the whole thing. Jim had to stifle the inappropriate, hysterical laughter. He wasn't going to ruin this moment.

Jim turned and felt the Vulcan's heated touch on his arms through the heavy material of the uniform as Spock slid the jacket on him. Spock then slowly spun Jim around so that they were face to face. Jim found himself holding his breath as Spock smoothed down his front. He felt branded by the Vulcan's touch. He noticed that while Spock's movements were graceful and unhurried, as though these acts were not emotionally or physically stirring, that the other man's respiratory rate was elevated and his pupils were dilated.

"Thank you. You didn't have to … thank you," Jim said, keeping his voice just as low so that Bones could not catch his words.

"I _wished_ to," Spock murmured. "I must get used to … to being near you with our new understanding_._"

"We need to talk, you know? I mean … we _really_ need to talk and … and other _things_," Jim said. His heart rate ratcheted up as Spock's color heightened at his words.

Spock nodded. "I must discuss this with my … elder self first. To make sure that I do not … injure you."

"You wouldn't. I _know _you wouldn't," Jim said urgently. "No matter how out of control you feel, you'd never let it get to that point. And I'm … I'm _willing_, Spock, to take whatever you need to give."

Jim knew about the Vulcan's mating cycle. Knew how violent it could get and knew that Spock must be handled with care during it. He hadn't thought Spock was near his time, but he was obviously wrong.

Spock went completely still; he did not even blink at Jim's words. Clearly, hearing Jim's thoughts, he said, "This is _not_ my time, Jim. I am not in Pon Farr. This is just my _normal_ reaction to _you_."

Jim's eyes widened at the information. If this was Spock just normally affected by him what would the Vulcan be like during his cycle? Why was there such a strong connection between them? _'Does it matter? All I know is that I'm glad he wants me so much.'_

"Hey!" Bones groused. "It's rude to have private conversations in front of others, you know?"

"Sorry, Bones," Jim said. "We're just … something's happened and—"

Bones raised a hand to stop Jim from completing the sentence. "Don't tell me. I have a feeling that I already know what you're going to say. You can fill me in on the details later. But with the limited time we've got now before the dinner, we need to talk solely about Raines."

Spock's hands tightened on the collar of Jim's jacket at the man's name. Jim felt a chill run through him. How could he face Raines now with things between him and Spock were so new? He feared Raines would somehow guess at their developing feelings and … _'do something terrible.'_

Bones began to pace. "While you two were exchanging sweet nothings in here, I was doing some research."

"Funny, I thought you were poorly ironing your uniform," Jim said faintly, pointing to the still visible wrinkles in the material of Bones' pants.

"Wrinkleless pants aren't as important as the information I discovered," Bones said.

"What did you discover, Doctor?" Spock asked.

Jim hardly heard the question, because he realized that he could feel the warm puff of the Vulcan's breath on his cheek as the other man spoke. Spock was in his personal space, not backing away, touching him. It was exhilarating and distracting. _'I guess it's not only Spock that's going to have to learn to control himself.'_

"The ship deal that Pike told us about earlier, well, Raines hasn't let any Star Fleet pilots test out any of his super ships yet," Bones said.

"He wants his own pilots to fly them until the deal is made?" Jim offered, confused by where Bones was going with this.

Bones grimaced and said acidly, "Oh, no, he's agreed to allow Star Fleet personnel fly them. Or I should say he's agreed to let _one_ Star Fleet _Captain_ fly them."

"Jim," Spock said, his voice going deep and quiet. "He'll allow Jim to fly them."

Bones nodded.

"It is as I suspected. Raines seeks to win you back, Jim," Spock said, his spine straightening.

"What?" Jim said, his gaze flicking between the two men. "No. No way. Why would he do that? He made clear that I was out of his life and that's how I want it to stay! I have no interest in him, Spock. I hate the man!"

Jim tried to put the truth of his words into his eyes so that Spock would see it.

"I know," Spock said, the hardness in him softening slightly. "But one such as Raines will not give up so easily."

"Spock's right, Jim. And so won't the other parties involved here," Bones said. "Don't you see that not only will the Vulcans be pressuring you to be nice to Raines so they can get their planet, Star Fleet is going to be pushing, too? And the higher ups are not going to look kindly on Jim resisting Raines' invitations … _in any way_," Bones said softly. "It'll probably be Jim's commission or his acquiescence."

"What are you suggesting? That we allow Star Fleet to offer the Captain to Raines as _payment_?" Spock's voice was so cold that for a moment Jim worried that the Vulcan might attack Bones for even speaking of something like this. Jim gently grasped Spock's wrists and began to stroke the tense bands of muscle and tendon.

"Spock, Bones is on our side," Jim said, gently. "He's just laying out the facts."

"For a genius, you can be insufferably dumb sometimes, Spock," McCoy said. "No, I am _not_ in the least suggesting we allow them to sell Jim. We need another option. Now the way I see it is that the only option we have to keep both the Vulcans and Star Fleet from having their way or destroying Jim's life is to neutralize Raines."

"_Neutralize_ him, Bones? You mean _kill_ him?" Jim asked, shocked and yet touched the other man would go that far to protect him.

"If only it could be so easy. But no," McCoy said, shaking his head. "In order to neutralize Raines we've got to show the Vulcans and Star Fleet not only the _type_ of man Raines is, but make it toxic for them to do a deal with him."

"And how do we do that, Doctor?" Spock asked.

Bones gave a bitter smile. "By doing what Jim alone couldn't do eight years ago. We prove Raines killed Martin Feyaud."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not make any money from these writing.

Title: Sacrifice

Author: Raythe

Pairing: Kirk/Spock

Fandom: Star Trek XI (2009 Movie) – Abrams Universe

Warnings: Slash, First Time, Romance, AU, Big Time Angst this Chapter, WIP

Summary: I think the title of the chapter says it all. Everyone … _meet Lord Damascus Raines._

POV: This chapter is done in Kirk's point of view.

Feedback is like crack to me! I appreciate each and every note of encouragement and constructive criticism. Please continue to let me know what you think.

Raythe

CHAPTER SIX: ENTER THE VILLAIN

Kirk's POV

Jim stood stiffly between Spock and McCoy just inside the doorway to the Espladian Banquet Hall. His palms were slick with sweat and his stomach was clenched into a hard knot. He felt suffocated by the hall's opulent furnishings: gold curtains with a blue fleur-de-lis pattern, an intricate geometric parquet floor and oversized portraits of Starfleet officers past on every available wall space. Even the open French doors that led out to a moonlit drenched garden were not bringing in enough fresh air to offset the stodgy lavishness. Jim tugged at the collar of his dress uniform as if it were choking off his ability to breath.

Suddenly, Spock's hand lightly drifted down his arm. The touch was soothing and Jim was able to take in a deep lungful of cool air. He glanced gratefully over at the Vulcan. Spock's brown eyes were filled with warmth and Jim couldn't help the rush of pleasure that filled him. This was Spock _comforting_ him. This was Spock _caring_ for him. This was Spock _loving _him. _Spock_! What had seemed like an impossible dream before was now reality. If only this nightmare with Raines would vanish then he could let himself believe his good fortune with the Vulcan.

"Hell's bells! Seeing this much royal blue in one place is making me itch," McCoy groused as his eyes followed the parade of officers before them in their blue dress uniforms.

The hall was crowded with Starfleet and Vulcans alike. Jim was reminded of one of his first-grade parties where all the boys were on one side and the girls on the other. Only in this case, it was divided between Starfleet and Vulcans. The Starfleet officers clustered around the open bar while the Vulcans, in their green and gold formal attire, stood stiffly on the other side of the room sipping on effervescent fruit juices. Jim realized all over again how singular Spock was; human, Vulcan and a Starfleet officer to boot.

'_How lonely he must feel sometimes in both worlds,' _Jim thought, but Spock did not show it, or at least was not currently showing it.

The Vulcan's alert brown eyes were scanning the crowd. His handsome face showed nothing other than calm, formal civility. If he did indeed feel singular and apart, it did not appear to bother him. McCoy, on the other hand, was looking anything but calm. He continued to twitch in his uniform, scratching at his skin through the thick material.

"Have you ever thought that maybe you're allergic to wool, Bones? You should ask for the poly blend dress uniform instead," Jim said.

"Poly_ blend_? _Poly_ blend? Are you _mad_? There are toxins in that material that can strip the skin off of your back and it's been shown to cause cancer in lab rats!" McCoy said.

"I'm not even going to ask where you got those medical _facts_ from," Jim said, shaking his head in faint amusement at the doctor's hypochondria. "We'd all be dead a million times over if life was as dangerous as you think."

"One day, Jim, you'll experience a terrible medical emergency that I have warned you about all these years and you'll say, 'why didn't I listen to McCoy? Why o why didn't I follow the doctor's orders?'" McCoy said, with a nod of satisfaction.

"Considering you have warned the Captain of every possible medical complication from the likely to the impossible, Doctor, you have almost guaranteed at least part of your statement will come true," Spock observed dryly.

Jim chuckled, this time for real. McCoy narrowed his eyes at the Vulcan unsure if he was being teased or not. Jim thought he heard the doctor mutter something about 'pointy-eared hobgoblins' and 'bloody alien immune systems' but he wasn't sure.

"Do you see Pike? I'm sure he'll be glued to Raines' side," Jim asked them, his heart rate ratcheting up again as he thought he caught a glimpse of the Admiral by the bar. Suddenly, Jim wished he had a drink. A lot of drinks.

"Not yet," McCoy said, as he strained to see around the officers milling around the appetizer table. "I don't even see the rest of the Enterprise's crew."

Jim's jaw clenched. A wave of jealousy and dread ran through him at the thought of seeing Uhura now. _'That's all I need is to watch Nyota hanging on Spock while I have to stand there and act like its not eating me alive. If I have to face that while making nice with Raines … well, today may qualify as one of the worst of my life,'_ Jim thought morosely.

Spock must have heard those thoughts pretty clearly because the Vulcan again brushed his hand unobtrusively down Jim's arm and Jim thought he heard Spock's voice in his mind say, _'Fear not … you are the only one I want.'_

The desire to grab the Vulcan and kiss him in the middle of the hall rose up in Jim almost uncontrollably. Not only would it not be a good idea to kiss Spock here for a load of normal reasons, such as Uhura's feelings, improper public behavior for officers and the like, it would also play havoc with their plan for dealing with Raines.

'_The plan … good God, why did I agree to do this?'_ Jim thought. _'It's insane.'_

The thoughts of Spock and Raines suddenly seemed a bit too much to bear. So when a waiter with a tray of filled champagne flutes walked past, Jim snagged a glass. He downed it in one swallow. The champagne's bubbles tickled his throat and he felt the pleasant wave of unconcern that alcohol can bring. He was already looking for another waiter. Maybe he'd ask them to bring him a bottle.

"Slow down there, cowboy," McCoy advised, taking the empty glass from Jim's hand and setting it on a side table. "That's Hyborian champagne. Not the human stuff. It's got more than double the alcohol content. And you need to be … _focused_ … for the plan to work."

Jim let out a bark of laughter. "The plan," Jim shook his head, smiling sickly. "I can't believe we're doing this." Frustration caused him to run his hand through his short hair and tug at the roots. With an explosive rush of breath, he asked, "Why _are_ we doing this?"

"Because we have no other choice," McCoy said, still facing towards the crowd, but then he turned to look at Jim. There were dark shadows under his eyes like the situation was already losing him sleep even though he'd just learned about it this afternoon. "It's either you convince Raines to let us investigate Feyaud's murder or … we do it anyways and all hell breaks loose: Starfleet loses its ship technology, the Vulcans lose Neos, you lose your captaincy, and maybe we all lose our lives if Raines is psychotic enough."

Jim closed his eyes tight for a moment. He knew the consequences. He'd played out every other scenario than the one McCoy had offered and none of them led anywhere good. But would McCoy's solution come up any better? It sounded crazy on its face to actually ask Raines to allow them to investigate Feyaud's death, but McCoy believed that not only would Raines agree to it, that he would jump at the chance.

"Tell me why you think Raines is going to allow us to investigate him again," Jim said, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth to ease the urge for another drink.

McCoy sighed. "Because he still wants you, Jim."

"We're _assuming_ he still wants me," Jim corrected, crossing his arms over his chest and hugging himself. "Which is a pretty big assumption considering he threw me out of his life eight years ago and threatened my mother's life."

"And yet, his continuing desire for you explains his current behavior, Jim," Spock said, slowly. "Raines may have led you to believe he did not care for you any longer, but I doubt that was the truth. You are not a man easily forgotten or … put aside."

Jim couldn't help the flush that heated his cheeks. He said, "Raines doesn't see me like … like _you_ do, Spock. He was clear back then that I was worth _nothing_ since I betrayed him."

"He sounds more like a man scorned, Jim, than a disinterested party," McCoy piped up.

"He threatened my _mother's_ life to stop me from pursuing a murder investigation, not to get me back into his bed!" Jim argued.

McCoy threw up his arms, but when one of the nurses he knew gave him a puzzled look, he gave her a tight smile and lowered them to his sides. With a forced smile that looked more like a grimace, he asked, "_Harding_ did the threatening, right?"

"Yes, but he must have been acting on Raines' orders," Jim said, keeping his voice down to stop drawing more attention to them than Bones already had.

"That's your _assumption_, Jim," McCoy said. "You don't actually _know_ that. Maybe Harding acted without Raines' knowledge. Remember that if Harding did the actual killing of Feyaud, he had his _own_ reasons to make sure you kept your mouth shut. Hell, perhaps the incident at Deep Space 3 _was_ just an accident and Harding took advantage of the coincidence. _We don't know_."

"And from your observations of Raines' character," Spock said, his brow furrowing as he talked out his thoughts, "it seems … _unlikely_ that he would have behaved in such a manner in regards to your mother."

Jim's raked his teeth over his lower lip. The situation with his mother had seemed … too _clumsy_ for Raines. He'd thought so at the time, but the fear that his mother could be killed had overcome that belief. Besides, even if it was Harding doing the threatening, and not Raines, it didn't mean that his mother wouldn't be just as dead if he kept pushing things.

"Okay … so if Raines didn't have Harding threaten my mother, if he didn't have anything to do with the Deep Space 3 incident then the only reason he thinks I hate him is because –"

"You think he killed Martin!" McCoy yelled, then grimaced as heads turned in their direction. He leant in towards Jim and whispered, "You offer him the chance to prove he didn't and he'll be eager as a kitten for its mother's milk to let you investigate to your heart's intent."

"So you're assuming that he has no fear of being found out?" Jim asked, even though he already guessed the answer, which was that Raines didn't act out of fear. Ever.

McCoy's face lit up with a nasty smile as he said, "Because I bet he's an arrogant son-of-a bitch and thinks he's covered his tracks sufficiently so that no one will be able to prove he had anything to do with Feyaud's murder. But he doesn't know _you_ or _us_ as well as he thinks he does. We'll find the evidence no matter how deep he buried it. Besides if he was willing to kill a man over a lost business deal, I'm sure there are a lot of skeletons in his closet. We'll find _something_."

"But if he sees us getting close to the truth then …" Jim broke off, unable to say the words out loud. _'He'll kill us. All three of us. Probably saving me for last so that I suffer the most and know that I'm responsible for your deaths.'_

"We'll deal with that when it comes … _if_ it comes," McCoy said. "Look, Jim, there's no other way I can see to resolve the mess that we're in. So unless you have a better suggestion … _this_ is our plan."

"We will succeed, Jim," Spock said softly, the brush of his breath against Jim's ear.

"We will," Jim said, with forced conviction.

"Maybe we should mingle?" McCoy asked. "We're not having any luck finding Raines standing here."

"That would appear to be a wise decision," Spock said.

"Right," Jim said, but still none of them moved. "Well, then again … staying right here is good, too."

Spock lightly pressed a hand against Jim's lower back and began to guide him into the throng of people. McCoy stepped in front of them to take point. Spock's touch eased the tension in his body, but at the same time Jim's thoughts became more chaotic. All he could think of was that it was _his_ bad choices that had led them to this. If he hadn't been such a fuck up when he was young they wouldn't be faced with this impossible task. Why hadn't he avoided Raines to begin with? Why hadn't he kept it at least professional and not seduced the man?

'_But, I didn't! I didn't seduce Damascus. He seduced me,'_ Jim thought and his memory of that first time with Raines flooded back.

It was winter so a fire was burning brightly in the antique stone fireplace in Raines' study. The logs popped and snapped as the sap in them heated and exploded. Jim was sitting on the oversized leather sofa facing the fire. His jeans were damp from a slog through the snow earlier so he had eagerly stretched out his legs towards the fire to dry them. Raines had, at first, stood by the fireplace, a balloon-snifter of cognac on the mantle, his piercing eyes narrowed in thoughtfulness or mirth, Jim hadn't known, taking in the teenager sprawled on his couch.

'_I wasn't much for standing on ceremony back then. Or respecting the rich and powerful. Guess not much has changed,'_ Jim thought.

Then Raines had moved, almost languidly, but clearly with intent and had sat down beside Jim.

'_He sat so close that the heat from his body felt like a line of embers,' _Jim recalled.

As they talked of the scholarship, Raines' breath had puffed against the side of his face. It smelt orange and hot. Jim had wondered how the older man would taste if they kissed.

'_Then his hand was on my thigh, sliding up and cupping me through my jeans. He was so strong,'_ Jim remembered._ 'When he wrapped his other hand around the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss that lasted longer than my breath did, I couldn't get away, even if I had wanted to. And afterwards I gasped and laughed and felt excited and scared all at the same time. Remember that?'_ Jim asked himself.

He did remember. Even though he had spent so much time forgetting Raines, the memories came back in bold colors like they had occurred yesterday and not eight years ago. He could even recall that Raines had indeed tasted of orange and, strangely, of smoke, too. He remembered the sound of the leather couch squeaking when the older man had laid him down on it and how solid Raines' body had felt above his. He could still see the way Damascus had looked like a conqueror surveying his newly subjugated property when he'd gazed down on him as he'd stripped off every single piece of Jim's clothing.

The memories seemed more real and substantial than the reality of his situation now. Except for Spock's hand on his lower back, which was in itself a miracle, Jim felt numb and disconnected. His eyes automatically scanned the room, looking for Raines' familiar figure. Would he still recognize Damascus or would eight years have dimmed the vitality and virility of the man?

Jim suddenly froze and Spock went rigid beside him.

'_He looks the same. No, he looks … better … than before. How is that possible?'_ Jim thought almost helplessly as his gaze alighted for the first time in eight years on Lord Damascus Raines.

"That's him, isn't it?" McCoy breathed, stopping abruptly, too.

Jim found that his throat was so tight and dry that he couldn't speak so he nodded instead. Time seemed to slow down to a crawl as Raines came fully into view.

Damascus was walking unimpeded down the center of the banquet hall about twenty feet away from them. Pike and Sarek flanked him. They were talking to Raines animatedly, while Raines merely nodded, his hands clasped behind his back and his head down. Behind them was a phalanx of Starfleet officers. The officers were walking so close to Raines' back that it appeared that he had a blue cape on. But in truth, Damascus was wearing only his signature black from head to toe.

Jim found himself looking at Raines a part at a time, as if he needed to do so in order to take the whole man in. He started with Raines' knee-high leather boots, which were polished to a near mirror-like gloss. Tailored black pants were tucked into their tops and accentuated his heavily muscled thighs. The coat he wore was cut so that it followed the perfect v-shape of his chest to his waist. The top two buttons of the black silk shirt he had on were undone, giving just a peek of his defined, broad chest.

Raines' mahogany-colored hair was still untouched by frost, either because of art or nature, and it hung long enough to brush the tops of his shoulders. He still wore the short, refined goatee that had so often left Jim's skin red after they had kissed for hours. What remained to take in of Raines were his facial features: the aquiline, aristocratic nose, the sharp cheekbones, the arched eyebrows that could show amusement or anger at a moment's notice and then, of course, his _eyes_.

No one who met Raines could forget his eyes.

Luckily for Jim, Raines was still looking down at his feet, because the moment he looked up, the Captain would be directly in his sights. But even without seeing Raines' eyes now, Jim could still picture them in his mind. They changed to match Raines' mood. At times, they were the color of quicksilver or of moonlight on black water or of a sea in the middle of a storm. And, once, Jim had thought they exhibited a strange animal night shine, but he couldn't swear to it, because he'd drunk a whole bottle of scotch before it happened.

"Jesus! I see why you fell for him, Jim. He's quite … _impressive_," McCoy said then added softly, "Impressive in a great white shark kind of way. With jaws wide and teeth exposed that is."

McCoy was right. Raines was just like that unmatched predator. Only he wasn't limited to the ocean. It was what had attracted Jim to Raines in the beginning and what had repulsed him the end: Raines' strength matched with an equal and overriding ruthlessness.

"Starfleet and the Vulcans don't know the heap of the trouble they're getting themselves into," McCoy said.

Spock's hand against Jim's back was suddenly moving to grip him around the waist. Jim thought for one moment that Spock was going to crush him to the Vulcan's chest and spirit them out of there.

"Spock?" Jim asked, jerking his gaze away from Raines. "What's wrong?"

The Vulcan turned and looked down at him. There were emotions in Spock's eyes that Jim couldn't read. "I fear that our path will be even more difficult than we at first thought," he responded.

"We don't have enough on our plate already with proving a murder?" McCoy asked.

"My father …" Spock said, his dark brown eyes flickering over to Sarek. "Something is not _right_."

"Not right? He looks ok," Jim said as he glanced over at Sarek who was leaning in towards Raines. The older Vulcan looked as patrician and unemotional as always.

"No … something is wrong," Spock said. "He is—"

But before Spock could finish his sentence, Raines' head lifted and his gaze pinned the three of them where they stood like helpless butterflies.

Then he smiled; sculpted lips parting; a flash of bright, white teeth.

Jim couldn't breathe when Raines began to walk towards them. Like a force of gravity, his entourage followed in his wake. Jim's emotions tumbled one after another so fast that he didn't know what he felt. Raines was still beautiful, still strong, and Jim would have been a liar if he believed that no part of him didn't thrill to see Damascus looking at him again with that … particular _interest_ … as if he were the only one in he universe. Jim had believed he would never see that look again and had told himself he hadn't missed it even though clearly some part of him had.

'_Bones is right. He does still want me,'_ Jim thought, shocked.

Then Spock shifted against him and the part of Jim that was still the emotionally-starved sixteen-year-old faded away. Even though he and Spock had just begun to know one another, had just exposed their deeper feelings, this small beginning was enough to break the enchantment that Raines exuded. The fleeting thought passed through Jim's mind that as strong as his connection with Spock was now, what would it be like after they were fully together?

But his thoughts of Spock had distracted him from Raines and his inattention had left him vulnerable. Because suddenly Raines was less than a foot in front of him. The older man close up was even more imposing than far away. He was taller than Jim, taller even than Spock, and broader as well. Jim felt small, almost childlike in comparison.

'_But I'm not a child any longer. I'm not the weak person I was back then,'_ Jim thought viciously, as if by chiding himself enough he could eliminate what he felt.

"James, how _well_ you look," Raines said, his voice deep and rich like honey, as he clasped one of Jim's hands in both of his.

Raines' hands were freezing, like he'd been sticking them in a snow bank. They hardly warmed even as the temperature in Jim's hand dropped. Jim wanted to rip his hand from Raines' grasp, but he didn't when his eyes caught sight of Admiral Pike on Raines' left. Pike was staring at Jim, intently, the look on his face urging Jim to remember his position, Starfleet's position and the Vulcans' position. And speaking of the Vulcans, Sarek was standing on Raines' right.

Sarek's expressionless face was also turned towards Jim, studying him. Jim wondered if the Vulcan knew about his past with Raines and was currently dissecting Jim's worth with a Vulcan's dispassionate mind. Perhaps he was calculating what the odds were of Jim destroying the Vulcans' chance for a home world. And what would Sarek think if he knew that Spock and he were lovers … or would be lovers? But it was none of those thoughts that helped Jim keep it together. Instead it was a simple observation. _'Spock has his eyes,'_ Jim thought and smoothed his own expression towards one of civil welcome to Raines.

"And you, Damascus," Jim said, through numb lips. "You don't look an hour different than when I … than the last time I saw you."

Jim saw the stillness that fell over Raines at his words. The 'last time' had been when Raines had cruelly dismissed him.

'_If you leave me now, James, expect never to return,'_ Raines had said.

'_I can't stay … not if you're going to hurt Martin!'_ Jim had yelled in response.

'_Then your love for me is not great enough,'_ Raines had responded. _'You are a traitor. A betrayer.'_

'_That's not true! This is wrong! What you're doing is wrong!'_ Jim had said, but he had known then that Raines would not listen. Even before the man had physically turned his back on him.

Jim was snapped back to the present as Raines' spoke again. So strange to see the warm smile on his lips when his memory of Damascus' scowl of disgust was so fresh in his mind.

"These must be the Enterprise's First Officer and Chief Medical Officer that I've heard so much about," Raines said as his eyes flickered over to Spock then McCoy, but he did not let go of Jim's hand.

When Jim tried to draw it back to gesture to the men in introduction, Raines tightened his hold for a moment before gently releasing him.

"Yes," Jim said, resisting the urge to wipe his hand on his pants. "This is Mr. Spock and Dr. Leonard McCoy."

All three men nodded curtly to one another. Spock's expression was as smooth and noncommittal as ever, but Jim could tell that the Vulcan was perturbed by Raines' presence and actions. McCoy's emotions were more in the open. An almost amused antagonism was evident in his raised eyebrows and a quirked grimace.

"I've avidly learnt of all your recent … _exploits_, James," Raines said, with a subtle pursing of his lips. "It seems like your _penchant_ for bold actions has taken you far."

"He's one of our most gifted officers," Pike said, lightly patting Jim on the shoulder, a broad smile lighting his face.

"Ah, but what is valued in war time … is not always the same as in peace unfortunately, is it, Christopher?" Raines remarked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jim asked, his voice tight. A warning glance from Pike caused Jim to add, "I'm curious because I value your … _insights_."

"I'm sure," Raines said, a smile gracing his lips, clearly taking pleasure in goading Jim. "It's something that Christopher and I were discussing earlier. How young, impressionable, head-strong officers often run into trouble in Starfleet's current … _bureaucratic_ … environment. After all, a less … _imaginative_ … officer, the type of officer that Starfleet seems to have a glut of would have run back to the fleet after such a desperate encounter with Nero over Vulcan's skies." Raines' gaze tipped towards Spock, his eyes glittering with a knowing malice. "But not _you_, James. _You_ rushed right after him, didn't you? And because you did, you saved everyone. Earth is still a glowing world of blue and green in the black universe not an empty spot in space, because of your actions."

Spock became even more rigid as Raines spoke disparagingly of his own planned actions after the destruction of Vulcan. But just as Jim was going to jump to Spock's defense, his First Officer surprised him by speaking, "You are correct, Lord Raines. Jim's unconventional actions, his reliance on instinct as well as knowledge, led him to take the correct steps that others would not have. That is what he is Captain and should remain so no matter if Starfleet is at war or peace."

Raines chuckled. "Yes, if the universe were fair. If the universe were logical ... James would never have to worry about his place. But surely you can see, after the tragic loss of your home, that the universe simply doesn't work that way?"

"And what exactly do _you_ intend to do about this unfairness?" McCoy asked, his voice tinged with sarcasm. When Pike gave him a warning look, McCoy just smiled innocently at him.

"That's an excellent question, Dr. McCoy. One that I wish to answer with James … in _private_," Raines said smoothly. "Come with me?"

Raines offered his hand for Jim to take. Jim stared at the pale palm and long fingers for a long moment. He knew Spock and McCoy were intent on not leaving him alone with Raines, but he had to be alone with Damascus, speaking in private, in order to proceed with their plan to ask Raines to let them investigate Martin's death.

"All right. It'll be good to … _talk_," Jim said, but he did not take Raines' hand.

Damascus lowered it to his side, but his almost triumphant smile did not dim.

"Jim, are you certain? Maybe we should go with you," McCoy said, his voice strained.

"I'm sure," Jim said, putting the force of his personality behind the words.

Spock, too, was looking at him intently and Jim hoped the Vulcan really could read his mind as he thought furiously about their plan and why he had to be left alone. Spock gave an almost imperceptible nod before he said to McCoy, "I am sure the Captain can handle this, Doctor."

McCoy's mouth opened and closed, but he said nothing.

"C'mon, Dr. McCoy, let's get a drink and let Jim and Raines talk," Pike said suddenly, looping his arm through the doctor's and leading him away.

For the first time, Sarek then spoke to Spock. "We have much to discuss as well, my son. I have someone whom you must meet."

With one last look at Jim, Spock moved towards his father. The loss of Spock's touch momentarily made Jim dizzy. He stumbled, but Raines' strong arms wrapped around his waist and held him steady. Alerted, Spock twisted around to help Jim, but the Captain waved him away. Spock's mouth became a tight, white line. Jim knew he didn't want to leave him. A bit of the possessiveness he'd shone earlier was surfacing, but Jim saw Spock fight for control of himself.

Jim gestured with his hand for Spock to go. Even as his heart clenched when Spock slowly turned away and followed after Sarek. Steeling himself, he pulled out of Damascus' arms and turned to face the older man.

"Don't look so _happy_, Damascus!" Jim said, unable to keep the anger back.

Raines lowered his eyes. "Can you blame me for taking pleasure in besting a rival?"

"Spock _isn't_ your rival," Jim said, firmly.

Raines' quicksilver eyes darted up to Jim's, a slow smile drawing across his lips. "Oh, really? I'm quite an expert in alpha male behavior … as _you_ know, James, and that Vulcan was all but ready to _piss_ on you to mark you as his."

Jim reared back slightly at the venom in Raines' voice. He didn't want Raines thinking of Spock, even noticing the other man, if it could be helped let alone knowing that Spock and Jim were together. So he sidestepped the issue by asking, "Is Spock what you want to talk about? I was under the impression that you had other things to say to me."

Raines' eyes flickered down as if actually chastised, but the lilting drawl of his voice said differently. "You are correct. The Vulcan …" Raines waved one hand as if tossing the idea of Spock away from them. "The Vulcan is actually of little concern to me _except_ in how he relates to _you_. But … before you get angry for my interest … I didn't actually come here to start a fight with you, James. I want to put the past … in the past. And start over."

Jim pressed his lips together to stop the words 'never' and 'liar' and 'murderer' and other similar sentiments from flowing out of him in a righteous tirade. When he finally had a hold of himself, he said, "All right. I'm willing to hear what you have to say."

Raines suddenly grasped Jim's chin, stroking his cheek gently with his thumb. "Only because I've left you little choice since I hold all the cards. But this isn't the place for us to talk about these things."

"Where then?" Jim asked, his eyes flaring even as he yanked his head away from Raines' questing fingers. "I'm _not_ just going anywhere with you."

"Don't worry, James. All I'm asking is for you to follow me out into the garden," Raines said pointing towards the balcony doors. Suddenly Raines gave a slight laugh. His eyes were focused over Jim's left shoulder. "Well, perhaps my concerns about the Vulcan were … _unwarranted_. He seems to have enough people interested in him not to try and add one more."

Jim turned around to see where Raines was looking. It was then he saw Sarek introducing Spock to a lithe, young Vulcan woman and behind her Jim saw the sultry form of Uhura. Jim felt his insides freeze.

"What? They're just talking and … Uhura … is Spock's friend," Jim said, lamely.

Raines chuckled in his ear. Jim jerked his head to the side, realizing that Raines was practically pressed up against him.

"Uhura's _woman's_ intuition is working far better than your male one. Look at how disfiguring jealousy is? Her lovely face is twisted into something quite unrecognizable, isn't it?" Damascus breathed.

"I don't know what—"

"Come now, James. Don't play dumb. Surely you know as well as Uhura does what's going on here?" Raines said, almost playfully. "The Vulcans are a dying species unless they mate … quite furiously. I believe Sarek is attempting to make that happen between Spock and … I believe her name is T'Sai."

"You put Sarek up to this!" Jim growled, forgetting that he was pretending not to have any interest in Spock.

"Oh, no," Raines said. "This was all Sarek's idea. He may have _told_ me about it, but I had no role in it."

"I don't believe that!" Jim said, even as his voice dipped. "It doesn't matter what Sarek wants … Spock will do what he wants to do."

Raines turned his head so that he was looking into Jim's eyes. His expression was almost pitying. "Spock's one goal in his life is to please his father. Illogical as that is. Mating with a Vulcan will accomplish this."

Jim's stomach felt like it was falling into his feet, but he pressed on as if he didn't fear exactly what Raines was saying was true. "You don't know anything about this. You don't know Spock."

"Oh, James," Raines said, a wistful smile curling the corners of his mouth. "While I do … _appreciate_ … your idealism … don't allow it to destroy your happiness once again."

"You don't know anything about my happiness!" Jim hissed.

Raines leant in close so that Jim was breathing in his exhales. "But I _do_," he whispered. "I do know everything that truly makes you happy. And I _want_ to give it to you."

Jim blinked furiously. He'd almost been mesmerized by Raines' voice and gaze for a moment. When he could see clearly again, Raines was no longer near him, but was by the balcony doors. Jim swung around to look at Spock one more time. His Vulcan First Officer was speaking cordially, if formally, to T'Sai. She was responding in kind. It looked like a pleasant, if not especially close conversation. But it wasn't Spock's expression that caught his eye, but Uhura's past him that riveted Jim's attention. She looked stricken, dabbing at a stray tear that leaked out, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. It looked like her heart was breaking. Maybe she knew the signs better than Jim did.

'_Spock said I was the only one for him. This closeness we share … it's got to mean something!' _Jim told himself, but another part of him whispered, _'But what is love as compared to tradition, as compared to duty and responsibility? Maybe those things snuff love out.'_

Raines' voice cut through the haze of unhappiness that enveloped him. "Come with me, James." Raines disappeared from view as he stepped outside.

With one last backwards glance at Spock, Jim then turned and followed slowly after Damascus. He had his own duty to attend to, even performing it felt like a knife running across his throat.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not make any money from these writing.

Title: Sacrifice

Author: Raythe

Pairing: Kirk/Spock

Fandom: Star Trek XI (2009 Movie) – Abrams Universe

Warnings: Slash, First Time, Romance, AU, WIP

Summary: Just a note of thanks to Osa who gave me some excellent information regarding the reproductive odds of a mixed species being's ability to have children.

POV: This chapter is done in Spock's POV.

Feedback is like crack to me! I appreciate each and every note of encouragement and constructive criticism. Please continue to let me know what you think.

Raythe

**ANNOUNCEMENT** – Sorry for the long break in updating. This announcement explains what I was doing.

I have opened a website for my original works (.com).

There are slash/yaoi and het novels and manga based in the supernatural and science fiction genres. So if you like the writing style/stories of my fanfic, you may very well like my original stuff and the manga based on them are AWESOME.

Please come check it out!

BTW – I will be updating my fanfic (on a more regular basis now) so don't worry! The next chapter of Sacrifice is coming.

CHAPTER SEVEN: DISEASED

Spock's POV

Spock masked his anguish at leaving Jim's side by steeling his face into the familiar calm façade he always wore. He answered automatically to a waiter who gave him an effervescent juice. The goblet sat untouched in his hand, the condensation on the glass moistening his skin. While the anguish might have been mastered, his impatience was not. He had the uncharacteristic urge to hurl the glass at the wall. His father was the cause of his frustration.

Sarek had drawn him away from his Captain's side in order to introduce him to T'Sai, a potential mate for him in Sarek's mind. _A mate_. The human side of him wanted to laugh, or maybe cry, at the thought while the Vulcan side wondered if his father wasn't a bit delusional.

Due to his mixed heritage, Spock was sterile. Not a suitable match for any Vulcan who wanted to breed, which is what all female Vulcans were required to do currently in order to save their race. Indeed, the whole concepts of monogamous mates would have to be thrown out for some generations. Women would need to be with multiple males if possible and bear as many children as they could. Spock could never be a part of that even if he had wanted to.

Spock had confirmed his sterility in his teens; verifying that the mix of Vulcan and human genes caused him to have an incompatible number of chromosomes to reproduce with either species. This was basic science as simply illustrated by Earth's mules; the offspring of a horse and a donkey, mules were dead ends, unable to have offspring. Yet Sarek, his eminently logical father, would not see or accept the mule in Spock.

And that blindness on his father's part was keeping him away from his true mate. The beloved of his heart: that's what Jim was to him. _His_ _t'hy'la_. The inexplicable ability to know Jim's thoughts even without touching should have told him that they shared the greatest of connections. He had not heard of other t'hy'las having such a strong connections, but for once, his otherness was finally working in his favor. However, it had taken Jim being out of sight, with that creature Raines, to make this most obvious of truths known to him, to make Spock's feelings completely clear. He not only loved Jim, Jim was his other half.

Which brought his mind back to the simple fact that the plan required Jim to be alone with Raines. But still, without his father's interference, Spock would not have been so far away from him. At this distance, would he be able to hear Jim's call if he was attacked or injured? Spock could still faintly sense his Captain's life force, but little else. Was that a spike in Jim's fear level? Spock unconsciously took a step towards the garden doors.

"Spock?" Sarek asked, his voice almost edged. That elusive wrongness Spock had sensed earlier surfaced again. Sarek never lost his temper, yet he actually seemed annoyed and was showing it.

"Father?" Spock asked, his eyes snapping away from the French doors, their black empty glass panes mocking him, to face his father.

"Do you not agree with T'Sai's observations?" Sarek asked, his right eyebrow rising.

Spock realized then that T'Sai must have said something and he had not responded. That explained his father's frustration with him, but to show it so openly was still shocking.

Spock looked down at T'Sai's face. She was a few inches shorter than him. Her penetrating almond-colored eyes met his and he could see the intense intelligence in her gaze. She wore the traditional sexless blue-gold outfit to identify her as Vulcan Science Academy professor. Her black, straight hair was cut in the harsh Vulcan style, but in a rare sign of individuality, she feathered it forward to softly frame her face. Perhaps that individuality was why she would even consider him as a mate. Even with their population reduced to a miniscule 10,000, the Vulcan disgust for a half-breed such as him was still innate. But without a father's paternal blindness, surely a scientist such as T'Sai would guess he was sterile.

"You are concerned for your Captain? He has been alone with Lord Raines for 10.3 minutes now," T'Sai remarked.

Spock winced. She had noticed his nerves for Jim. To have his emotions so near the surface that they could be read and then remarked upon was the ultimate insult. He studied her face for the subtle signs of disdain such a remark would normally be accompanied with, but there were none.

He found himself answering her honestly, "Yes. Raines is--"

"A dangerous person," T'Sai finished for him. Her eyes flickered up to his as she added softly, "And I would not want anyone who _mattered_ to me to be alone with him."

He found him eyebrows rising. Did T'Sai know something about Raines? Could she be an ally?

"Do you know Lord Raines?" Spock asked her.

"I worked for Cerberus," T'Sai said as she took a sip of her drink.

"Truly? You did not mention that before," Sarek said, his brow furrowing.

Suddenly, Spock had the distinct impression that T'Sai had no more interest in becoming his mate than he did in being hers. She had an alternative motive for seeking his father's and, perhaps, his acquaintance.

T'Sai's cheeks heated slight, as she answered, "I was the department head of Cerberus' nanotechnology division."

"I take it from the past tense of your statement that you do not work there any longer?" Spock asked.

"They put my work to unethical uses," T'Said said, nearly spitting out the words. "Illegal uses. I could not be a part of it."

"Surely, you exaggerate, T'Sai!" Sarek chided.

Her almond-colored eyes narrowed. "In truth, I am not stressing enough how mistaken the corporation's actions have been in this regard. At first, I thought it would be sufficient to merely resign my position in protest after my warnings fell on deaf ears within Cerberus. But I am privy to information now that tells me that Cerberus has continued forward on this most unfortunate course with the blessing of Lord Damascus Raines."

"What illegal uses are they putting your work to?" Spock asked, his hand tightening on his drink. Perhaps they would not have to resurrect an old crime to destroy Raines with, maybe a newer one would do.

T'Sai studied him for a long moment. "Cyborg technology. Cerberus is using my nanobots to turn living beings into something _else_."

"Cyborgs are illegal under the Federal Charter," Spock responded, startled by her lack of precise language in the '_something else_'. Yet those words, and the inference that arose from them, made his stomach clench. Images of flesh and metal fused in unnatural ways sprung to mind.

"Cerberus treats the laws as if they are mere suggestions that do not apply to it in any case," T'Sai said, with a slight hardening line of her mouth. That small movement showed that the female had incredibly strong feelings, bad feelings, towards Cerberus. "Cerberus must be _stopped_."

"Have you reported this to the Federation?" Spock asked.

"Yes, but no one would listen to me, let alone act. Cerberus is the Federation's largest, most powerful supplier of military technology. While an individual's voice may not be heard, sometimes if their leading body speaks it will be," she said then clasped her hands in front of her chest as she turned directly to Sarek, an almost pleading look in her eyes. "Ambassador Sarek, you are a man of great respect on the Council. I believed if I could but speak to you about this matter that something would be done."

Sarek's posture, normally ramrod straight, seemed to go even stiffer. "So you misled me as to your interest in knowing my son in order to put forward your _theories_ of Cerberus and Raines' wrongdoing?"

T'Sai flushed a deep green. "I _did_ wish to meet Spock. I have heard and read many complimentary things about him. But I kept from you the fact that my interest in him can only be platonic as," she paused and cast an apologetic look at Spock, "as I already am committed to another."

"I see," Sarek said, how voice now icy.

"Father, her reason for seeking us out, no matter what the pretense, is an important one," Spock said. He father was absolutely still, a statue of ice, staring at T'Sai as if her very presence was distasteful.

"I hope I have not caused offense or discomfort to you, Spock," T'Sai said.

He shook his head. "You have created neither. For I, too, am already committed to another," Spock said, shocked that the words left his lips so readily. Shocked that he would make such a pronouncement without speaking to Jim first. But the core of him that was always seemingly connected with his Captain knew that, for him, at least, he was indeed committed to the other man.

"What?" Sarek asked, actually tottering backwards as if the pronouncement physically struck him. "Who?"

Spock realized he should have known announcing this to his father like this would not have led to many questions that he could not answer at that moment. "I will explain at a later time, Father, we should be discussing Raines--"

Unfazed, his father plowed on as if he had not spoken. "You are not speaking of that Lieutenant Uhura, I hope? I believed that she was only a _casual_ relationship." Sarek's eyes widened in horror at the thought of Nyota being the object of his affections.

Spock sighed. Even though his father had wed a human and claimed to have loved her, he seemed to object to Spock being with anyone other than a Vulcan female. He tried not to see this as an insult to his mother and the part of her within him. He dared not even contemplate what Sarek would make of the true object of his love: Jim Kirk. But all Spock said in response was, "Lieutenant Uhura is not the one I am committed to. Though she is a good person and you should have no objections to her."

At the moment, Spock heard a feminine gasp behind him. He turned his head to look at whom it was. It was Nyota. Her slender mocha hands gripped the sides of her deep blue uniform. Her coal-outlined eyes were on his face, searching it for what he did not know. He was unsure how long she had been standing there, but he had no doubt that she had heard his words.

Before he could compose himself to say something, anything, to her, she spun on her heel and ran away from him. He swallowed and stared at the ground for a long moment. Spock had not meant to hurt Nyota, but he was vividly aware that he had just cut her to the bone. He suddenly felt a light hand on his arm. T'Sai was looking at him and there was a hint of warmth and understanding in her expression. Her reaction was almost human.

"Once the initial pain is over, she will realize how incompatible you are," T'Sai said. "And see that this was for the best."

"It was not the way I wished her to find out," Spock said simply.

"The choice was taken from you. It is done now," T'Sai responded.

Spock merely nodded.

"It is indeed for the best. She would never have been accepted," Sarek said.

Spock's temper suddenly reared. "Considering that I, myself, have never been accepted by the Vulcan people, the _acceptability_ of any person I would choose as my mate is hardly important to me."

Sarek met his statement with silence and Spock felt something in him wither. A flash of memory of the past: his father's insistence on his adopting a fully Vulcan way of living and being. The way Sarek had belittled and rejected his human instincts and feelings. His father's standing by as he was mercilessly attacked by other Vulcan children. Perhaps one of the people who had never accepted him was standing right in front of him.

"Father, you need to hear T'Sai's report of Raines' actions," Spock urged, pushing his own feelings of dismay to the side.

"There can be _nothing_ to report. I cannot believe Lord Raines would be involved in anything truly wrong," Sarek said, his forehead furrowing and his mouth puckering with distaste.

"But there is, Ambassador," T'Sai stressed. "Raines is at the heart of what is wrong with Cerberus. I tried to make headway within the company, but none would listen to me. And now that Lord Raines has given the program his blessing."

"Such talk is nonsense," Sarek said, a touch of acid in his tone this time. "We shall be eternally grateful to _Lord_ Raines if Neos becomes our new home world."

"Father, have you not considered the moral dilemma that is posed by entering into dealings with a man such as Raines?" Spock asked, clasping his hands behind his back to hide the slight tremor that would betray his unease both at questioning Sarek and that indisputable strangeness that seemed to cling to his father like a second skin.

Sarek's deep grey eyes turned to him and Spock swore for a moment he saw a hint of animal night-shine. "_Moral_ dilemma? Spock, you sound like a _human_."

Spock jerked back in shock and hurt. He thought he even heard T'Sai give a surprised huff. The disdain and disgust in his father's tone was like a flame against his skin. But Spock had long ago learnt how to deal with people who despised his mixed race.

"Father his actions towards …" Spock bit off the words. He would not expose Jim's past to anyone else's ears. Even if his father had been briefed on it in some fashion, T'Sai had not. "Raines has _killed_ someone. And you have heard now from T'Sai how Cerberus had flouted the law and scientific ethics."

"He has done _great_ things," Sarek said, his eyes lit with an almost idolatrous fever. "Clearly, you cannot contemplate the whole of what he has accomplished and will accomplish. Those who have gotten in the way of progress must be swept away. I have no problem with Raines or his methods, but I do have with the two of you who do not see that, at the very least, he is the Vulcan people's only hope."

Spock opened his mouth to speak, to reject this irrational stance, but T'Sai's hand was suddenly on his arm, a light pressure, warning him to remain silent.

"I can you see that you believe these things you say, Ambassador," T'Sai said, her voice cool. "Spock and I, obviously, have a lot to learn about Raines' greatness."

"Indeed, you do," Sarek said. "Ah, I see Taren, I must speak to him. I take my leave of both of you."

He gave a stiff bow before he walked swiftly away. Spock watched his father disappear between the mingling bodies. Somehow it felt more than just a normal goodbye. Spock's feelings towards his father were irrevocably changed.

"He is being affected by Raines. I have seen it before," T'Sai said. "It is like a disease."

Spock frowned. "A disease?"

"Yes, it is as if their doubts are washed away and replaced with utter certainty of Raines' greatness," she said, her hands suddenly clasped together. "I have watched those who spoke out against him become his most fervent supporters. There is no reasoning with him."

Spock felt a chill run through him. How could Raines do such a thing?

T'Sai turned to face him, her almond-colored eyes filled with a hint of fear as a terrible understanding dawned. "We must go to your Captain, Spock. Right now."

Spock froze for a moment. Not because he did not wish to go, it was what he wanted more than anything. But he knew that the plan required Jim to have as much time alone with Raines as possible.

"He is with Raines. He needs –"

"He needs us to get him out of there!" T'Sai said. "The changes I spoke to you about? This disease of worship? It always happened after the person has been alone with Raines!"


End file.
